But I'm in a fairly small minority, I believe. While women everywhere are reclaiming their sexuality and enjoying themselves in the bedroom (and out of it!), I still hear more than my fair share of these sorts of comments in mixed company when the conversation turns to sex:
My husband wants sex! More than once a week! Whatever shall I do? Is there some way I can get out of this? I don't like sex! It's messy and it just doesn't do that much for me.Or:
She just likes to snuggle, and I don't mind,which reeks of something very wrong to me. Of course that's a valid decision and a valid response under certain circumstances, but if the exploration of sexuality that would be required to arrive at that decision hasn't taken place, I'm sorry, but you've both been had.
My grandmother hated sex. Hated it so much that you didn't have to be around her long to realize it. She talked about my grandfather in their youth as if he was the biggest horndog. "His name was Freddy, and he was always ready," she would say he said of himself. They had four children together, and somehow she never got to like it.
Clearly they were both doing something wrong.
In the comments on my previous post, I wrote a response to faerie that seemed far more like a separate topic than a comment response.
"But maybe it's fair to say it was a lack of communication," as BNL once sang.
I think our culture has a lot of shame about sex - you're either supposed to be really good at it and like it a lot, or shut up because if you're not enjoying it, you're doing something wrong. Not that you and your lover just need to talk more, to find out what makes each other tick. In a lot of people's minds, sex is some kind of cookie-cutter, one size fits all experience, when in fact it's more of an individually crafted, tailored experience.Even if you're enjoying the sex you have, chances are a little communication could go a long, long way to making it even better. Mind-blowing. There's not a lover out there who wouldn't thrill to hear his or her lover in the throes of pleasure, or the hard breathing afterglow. It's a trip, taking someone to that place.
People don't like to be wrong, and in my experience and those I've read of others, they have a lot of problems just speaking up and saying "You know, this would be a lot better for me IF..." because that makes either them or their partner wrong.
But truthfully, I bet even the people who are happy with the cookie cutter off-the-rack sexual experience could enjoy themselves a lot more if they'd tailor it a bit.
Your sexual relationships are yours, they belong to only you and your partner(s). It doesn't matter what society says you should or shouldn't do. Screw society. Or, wait, no, you're not screwing society. That's the point. You communicate your desires, what you think will work for you. Just like everything in life, you have to work for it to be really good. You don't expect to be a master bread baker on the first try - you learn new techniques and you keep trying until you get those beautiful, perfect, golden loaves.
|1835 - Those folks knew some kink, eh? Everybody pick a favorite!|
Funny, sad, awkward... but kind of sweet and awesome that they'd try. I know the Viagra wasn't actually necessary for them to be intimate, but when he was told his heart condition wouldn't allow him to take the drug, all that interest seemed to wane.
Although you could occasionally hear them giggling in their bedroom at night.
But if you've given it the solid try, you know, if you've communicated and you've both done your damnedest to enjoy each other and sex, and one of you still just isn't into it? That's okay too, although some alternate arrangement may need to be made for the best interests of all parties.
But don't give up on what could be the most magical, satisfying, mind-blowing experiences of your life without so much as a fight for them! Don't give up on the amazing intimacy and increased all-round good communication in a relationship that amazing sex can bring. The entire Internet is there to explore. You could start here. http://www.howtohavegoodsex.com/ We did.
You have to start before you can be good, and you have to be good before you can be amazing.
Go, be spectacular with each other.