tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post5770386139281640902..comments2023-07-15T03:45:36.822-07:00Comments on Surrender: Sexual shutdown: submissive defense mechanismConinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-13028890203230513332012-06-11T11:46:40.855-07:002012-06-11T11:46:40.855-07:00That's my song.That's my song.Emennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-32621977145729044522012-06-11T08:59:03.615-07:002012-06-11T08:59:03.615-07:00Perhaps it is, to a certain type of human.
Other ...Perhaps it is, to a certain type of human.<br /><br />Other people, friends of mine, are just always on. I admire them as they work a crowd of strangers, and immediately have a bunch of new friends. They make it look effortless.<br /><br />I suppose that's the stuff politicians are made of.Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-85533332462563489602012-06-11T08:57:09.714-07:002012-06-11T08:57:09.714-07:00Thank you. Of course everyone likes us - look how ...Thank you. Of course everyone likes us - look how awesome we are. ;)<br /><br />The logic is sound, and my husband uses that on me too - but, while I can <i>look</i> at it logically and say "That makes sense!" I can't quell the anxiety I get when I feel I'm imposing. I just try to offer help and companionship freely when I can, so they know I'm there for them.Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-41695361099948598932012-06-11T08:54:06.742-07:002012-06-11T08:54:06.742-07:00It is a dizzying experience, and you're right,...It is a dizzying experience, and you're right, you can't shut off the shutdown. Sometimes I try to hang on to the need, but..it just slips through my fingers, flowing, much as you describe, like water.Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-17889821625131328392012-06-11T08:52:46.729-07:002012-06-11T08:52:46.729-07:00Sometimes the deep upsettedness hits me too, and I...Sometimes the deep upsettedness hits me too, and I seem to recall a lot of tearful episodes in the past. These days I try my best to keep up a normal front when around others though.Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-38653890549007252732012-06-11T01:41:34.387-07:002012-06-11T01:41:34.387-07:00I can understand your feelings. I think at times w...I can understand your feelings. I think at times we all experience a shut down. It's just more or less human nature.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-61029707413008664542012-06-10T19:40:50.553-07:002012-06-10T19:40:50.553-07:00So, I see others have commented on this as well......So, I see others have commented on this as well...but what you said about retracting from your friends when you don't feel like they need you...that's totally me. I can 100% relate to that. I go thinking that nobody really likes me or wants me, so I sometimes even feel guilty when someone is super nice and does something kind for me, or when friends reach out to me and invite me places. I don't know why, I'm just like that. My mom always tells me I'm ridiculous and that everybody likes me, but it grates on you, no? And it does transfer to the bedroom, when I don't feel like I'm doing some great deed, I feel like I'm not enough. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, or even if I've interpreted your post correctly, but if I did, then, I can completely empathize. I have no great words of advice other than, remember all the times your friends or your husband asked you for something or called you up to talk...did you feel that they were intruding? If not, then they probably wouldn't think you were either. <br /><br />*hugs*Rileyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01839475326755424479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-92145102479468375802012-06-10T15:30:10.048-07:002012-06-10T15:30:10.048-07:00That defence mechanism ...... I do it too. It'...That defence mechanism ...... I do it too. It's something I just can't NOT do. It just happens. I can literally feel my desire flow away. And when I hibernate, I hibernate from everything. <br />And then it all comes back..... And 'I' come back....<br />makes me kinda dizzy..<br /><br />Dee xDeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04850836843301245812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-57397967740801695322012-06-10T13:34:43.405-07:002012-06-10T13:34:43.405-07:00yes, this happens with me too. ((hugs))
it isn'...yes, this happens with me too. ((hugs))<br />it isn't pleasant, & feels very depressive, except I'm not so much numb as tearful and deeply upset all the time, when it's in it's worse form.<br /><br />I'll have to think about it a bit & order my thoughts to fully articulate how it works with me...mamacrowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16484565827023574347noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-60270897486569842612012-06-10T13:27:10.893-07:002012-06-10T13:27:10.893-07:00I technically prefer to talk, but yeah, texting fe...I technically prefer to talk, but yeah, texting feels like far less of an intrusion, doesn't it? That's a pretty awesome 'new' friend you've got there. :)Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-58887532459910955352012-06-10T13:25:12.287-07:002012-06-10T13:25:12.287-07:00You give me warm fuzzies too, thank you for that, ...You give me warm fuzzies too, thank you for that, and for sharing your experience.<br /><br />The heart definitely does fight, and a good thing, too, because if it didn't we'd be sitting around in miserable zombie mode, mired in our own misery, missing out on indescribable joy we can experience even in the midst of grief. <br /><br />My heart goes out to you. <a href="http://youtu.be/d-diB65scQU" rel="nofollow">Here's your song. </a> :)Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-47051688777379076182012-06-10T13:13:56.623-07:002012-06-10T13:13:56.623-07:00Yeah it is hard, getting over one self, as I call ...Yeah it is hard, getting over one self, as I call it. I still only do it with people I grew up with. I have a hard time calling somebody because I always feel like I need to have a good reason. A 'new'friend told me the other day that I should just text her because she knows I don't like to call. How sweet is that? <br />And I definitely am a firm believer in sending out signals, good or bad.Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08484811892132134437noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-89910349543008079322012-06-10T12:10:50.905-07:002012-06-10T12:10:50.905-07:00And godforbid you be necessary to my happiness but...And godforbid you be necessary to my happiness but you add to it and I missed you. Pish tosh.Emennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-45378823174994288872012-06-10T12:02:39.071-07:002012-06-10T12:02:39.071-07:00What I like most about you besides your top 3 inte...What I like most about you besides your top 3 interests is your honesty. Your willingness to explore everything. Thank you for writing about this.<br /><br />I do it. In all aspects of life, as you describe. And that's not going to change. I'll be 58 in August and I haven't led an unexamined life. I've always tried to see myself clearly and change what I could. This won't change.<br /><br />You can shut down. I shut down a (huge) part of me for 25 years. I married vanilla and don't regret it, even as he enters the last stages of a long incurable illness. I love him. I had to shut down a lot of ways to get through this. I thought being as dead as I could and still function was the way to go. But the heart doesn't want to be dead. It fights. I woke up, decided I'd wasted an awful lot of time and let the hunger guide me. I've found spank and sex and joy again, can't remember ever feeling this good or this bad. I'll take it. I want it.<br /><br />I'm going to try to link a wonderful song that I never do successfully, but you know what I'm talking about.<br /><br /> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU&feature=youtube_gdata_playerEmennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-5267113903652560812012-06-10T11:39:26.278-07:002012-06-10T11:39:26.278-07:00Isn't that interesting? I often try to tell my...Isn't that interesting? I often try to tell myself I'm being ridiculous, and my husband says "You should call x, he/she'd really LIKE it!" but I can't. I feel like I'd be intruding.<br /><br />Kudos to you for calling your friend and being there for her! It's very possible that feeling unneeded leads us to send offputting signals. It's something I try very hard not to do - always letting people know how much I enjoy them, but it's hard not to just fall into the silence. Definitely something for me to work on.Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-24023405371646292712012-06-10T11:36:13.398-07:002012-06-10T11:36:13.398-07:00I think there are quite a few of us. :)I think there are quite a few of us. :)Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-79145007838020344622012-06-10T10:05:30.129-07:002012-06-10T10:05:30.129-07:00I often feel like people don't really need me,...I often feel like people don't really need me, but I realized just after my birthday actually, that is not the case. I had a friend who kept writing me on facebook, saying we should talk on the phone. She is one of my oldest friends, and we went through almost seven years of not hearing from each other. So I called her, even though I really didn't feel like it, and it turned out her boyfriend had broken up with her, and she hadn't told anyone and really only wanted to talk to me. Me! This has made me reevaluate myself and my relationships with people in my life. Maybe I have been sending signals telling them I don't want more without knowing it?Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08484811892132134437noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-12949954035337132352012-06-10T08:36:46.204-07:002012-06-10T08:36:46.204-07:00I'm glad I'm not the only one who's to...I'm glad I'm not the only one who's top hobbies all involve sex! :)Michael Samadhihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10485861725982649290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-28654729326512546712012-06-10T07:21:58.533-07:002012-06-10T07:21:58.533-07:00I don't know if she needed a break, but she ce...I don't know if she needed a break, but she certainly took one. :)<br /><br />You are so incredibly sweet to miss me. I missed me, too. And it does help to know. My man and my boy are wonderful, indeed, and they tend to pull me out of funks eventually. :)<br /><br />I figured I needed the links to perfectly illustrate. <br /><br />And....yeah. My top three hobbies are sex. It was a Zobmondo question, back when that was a game. "Would you rather give up your top three hobbies -OR- lose your sex drive?" I said it wasn't a fair question, since it amounted to the same loss for me.Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-45258164367759651542012-06-10T00:39:22.974-07:002012-06-10T00:39:22.974-07:00PS - Your top three favorite things are sex?
Hila...PS - Your top three favorite things are sex?<br /><br />Hilarious. That.Kitty the Submissive Wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00185859722963938064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-35708000646145433382012-06-09T23:58:28.970-07:002012-06-09T23:58:28.970-07:00This is a thing. You are right about that. This ...This is a thing. You are right about that. This does happen. Sometimes, sexual you just needs a break. Especially when you are processing stuff.<br /><br />Even when you love and need and have access to sex. Breaks are okay. That's one of the reasons we get married, so they will still be there on the other side. Right?<br /><br />If it is any consolotation, these last days when you were gone, I missed you. I felt every day. I wish I could make it easier for you when things are tough, but you have great real life resources in your man and your boy. Those won't change.<br /><br />Accept their strenghth. :)<br /><br />(Loved all the links in this, BTW.)Kitty the Submissive Wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00185859722963938064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-88988624793955545182012-06-09T22:30:11.919-07:002012-06-09T22:30:11.919-07:00I possibly don't have much to say about this c...I possibly don't have much to say about this cos I don't think I've experienced anything quite so similar. <br /><br />However I DO know that with my ex boyfriend there came a time when all he wanted from me was a blowjob every now and then. And even then he didn't let me finish him off. He'd signal when he'd had enough (as if humouring me for a while since he knows I like BJs) and then take matters into his own hands, literally. <br /><br />The result of which was that I became disinterested in having anything sexual to do with him. We stopped making love way before the relationship was over. <br /><br />He had insisted I sleep naked so by this time I was feeling all sorts of resentments - I HATED sleeping naked. And in my head I was screaming - if you're not going to touch me and have sex with me and fondle me, then what's the POINT of having me naked in bed with you? <br /><br />Well I'm glad that ended tho. I hear you about the needing to feel and be desired. That's all I'm about too - my recent emotional outburst was about just that. <br /><br />*Hugs* Hope tonight works out good for you and the sexual you and the man who loves you to bits!!Fondleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03538688586112598309noreply@blogger.com