tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post7527173198806232506..comments2023-07-15T03:45:36.822-07:00Comments on Surrender: Opening doorsConinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-60817083164457182312012-08-15T22:04:42.557-07:002012-08-15T22:04:42.557-07:00We have had the same struggle over here. He is com...We have had the same struggle over here. He is completely into the D/s aspect, he's always been Dominant, that's what led us into our D/s. The other parts of BDSM, though, are not so much his thing, and I have great difficulty sometimes accepting that he's OK with it. He told me something last week, though, that finally really put it to rest for me: He loves doing BDSM to me, even though he maybe wouldn't go there on his own, because he loves the effect it has on me. He loves watching my reactions, my facial expressions, he loves how wet I get and how hard I come, and that makes HIM want to do the BDSM stuff too. <br /><br />That helped a lot. deviant wenchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14180742628730645005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-40906569766115731762012-07-27T20:55:09.230-07:002012-07-27T20:55:09.230-07:00What a GREAT answer. :)What a GREAT answer. :)Kitty the Submissive Wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00185859722963938064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-49631196124119606012012-07-27T20:53:58.449-07:002012-07-27T20:53:58.449-07:00I always give you questions - I am insatiable for ...I always give you questions - I am insatiable for knowledge.<br /><br />But this was a pretty good answer, so I will accept it. For now. ;)Kitty the Submissive Wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00185859722963938064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-61164957147820281132012-07-22T18:40:02.052-07:002012-07-22T18:40:02.052-07:00Ha, that reminds me of my husband - and this post ...Ha, that reminds me of my husband - and <a href="http://exploringsurrender.blogspot.com/2012/05/such-chore.html" rel="nofollow">this post (also very graphic)</a>. :) No offense at all, I <i>totally</i> get what you're saying.Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-77120282242553683242012-07-22T17:50:57.253-07:002012-07-22T17:50:57.253-07:00One other source of doubt for me, is the fact that...One other source of doubt for me, is the fact that I am doing something that is culturally taboo. I was raised by my family to question, to find my own path. AT the same time they would all begin to gather and put together an Intervention if they knew I asked my husband to dominate our relationship. HE has a great answer when I go crazy in this way. (WARNING: GRAPHIC SENTENCE TO FOLLOW) HE takes my hand and puts it on his cock. "Yep." He growls in my ear. "I really hate this whipping your butt and shoving my cock down your throat stuff." That usually gets me out of my head.....Hope that didn't offend.Saoirsehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17902009529171140806noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-72594492103817251672012-07-22T12:10:11.414-07:002012-07-22T12:10:11.414-07:00I really appreciate the thoughtfulness and time th...I really appreciate the thoughtfulness and time that this comment took.<br /><br />I think I do a lot of accepting what I have - I'm really not about acquiring as much as I once was and we try to reduce our waste as much as possible. On the relationship side, we love each other fully while still realizing neither of us is perfect. I like June's "perfectly imperfect" phrase, because we are perfect for each other.<br /><br />I hadn't thought about looking into more Eastern philosophies, to not just accept internally what I have and who I am but also accept that I can never fully know what's in someone else's head. So that suggestion is well taken and I thank you for it.Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-11999611668704166472012-07-22T00:35:08.146-07:002012-07-22T00:35:08.146-07:00When we doubt, we question. When we question, we ...When we doubt, we question. When we question, we open ourselves up to the possibility that we are wrong. Then we get answers, and relief floods us, and we're back to being secure and strong again.<br /><br />We all doubt sometimes. We all question. We have all, as a society -- and especially in the United States and the U.K. -- conditioned ourselves to either look for something better or for those we love to look for something better. Bigger! Faster! Stronger! More more more!<br /><br />The only way to not question, to not doubt, and fully completely absolutely unequivocally irrevocably accept is to let go of that part of us that wants or expects more and to instead focus on embracing what we have. This is not a common Western way of thinking. Modern Society tells us not to accept, but to always strive.<br /><br />If you want to work on the level of acceptance I think you're talking about, maybe look into some Eastern Philosophies, such as Zen Buddhism. Many of the koans are specifically designed to break conditioned thinking and re-learn how to accept while still improving oneself.<br /><br />Come to think of it, maybe I should revisit my books...<br /><br /><br />Stay SINful<br />Mr. APAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-69327341399474262582012-07-20T09:38:05.583-07:002012-07-20T09:38:05.583-07:00It really, really seems to be, lil. Although Jake&...It really, really seems to be, lil. Although Jake's perspective is crazy amounts of helpful too. Perhaps it's a humans-in-love thing. Always doubting whether your chosen paramour is as into you as you are into him/her, and by way of that, as into the way you've chosen to live your lives...Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-44216830153900560792012-07-20T09:36:04.171-07:002012-07-20T09:36:04.171-07:00Answers, I need answers, and you give me questions...Answers, I need answers, and you give me questions! :)<br /><br />The first few years of my marriage, I was actually kind of holding my breath, waiting for him to realize this wasn't really what he wanted after all, to pack up and move back home. I think it took 2-3 years for me to start really breathing again, to be confident in the amazing thing we had together. He'd have dreams in which his "we" were him and his family - and I'd take it as some sort of hint that subconsciously he still wanted to be with them and not me, and that same sinking feeling would occur in my chest. "This is it, this is when he decides against us."<br /><br />I think maybe we just have to stop holding our breath and trust our partners. HOW? Inhale. Lots. :) Beyond that is beyond me right now.<br /><br />Thank you.Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-53820448665575500792012-07-20T09:29:10.253-07:002012-07-20T09:29:10.253-07:00Thank you, I appreciate it. :)Thank you, I appreciate it. :)Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-60364669447174130172012-07-20T09:28:41.328-07:002012-07-20T09:28:41.328-07:00Thank you, Jake! It's really helpful to have a...Thank you, Jake! It's really helpful to have a peek on the other side of the curtain, to know you do it too. Perhaps my husband is as well, and if we both wind up doing it on the same night - disaster! Sleep! Oh no!<br /><br />(a bit tongue-in-cheek, there, but also for real ;))Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-88214850993199872052012-07-20T09:27:06.696-07:002012-07-20T09:27:06.696-07:00Thinking you'd outgrow it: I know, right? It&#...Thinking you'd outgrow it: I know, right? It's like, when will I just <i>accept</i>? Years haven't proven that this is what we <i>both</i> want?Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-70529372912156118382012-07-20T09:25:36.586-07:002012-07-20T09:25:36.586-07:00I think you're right. :) And even after a nigh...I think you're right. :) And even after a night of doubts, I wake up feeling so much better just for having spent the night wrapped in his arms.<br /><br />Thank you!Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-30646871667330625362012-07-20T09:23:28.310-07:002012-07-20T09:23:28.310-07:00Thank you! Every fairy tale has its dark places.Thank you! Every fairy tale has its dark places.Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-63683105604416514322012-07-20T09:22:31.471-07:002012-07-20T09:22:31.471-07:009+ years - maybe the adjusting will happen soon. :...9+ years - maybe the adjusting will happen soon. :)<br /><br />You're absolutely right - if he genuinely did not want to, he would tell me. But then I start to think - maybe he wouldn't. Maybe he knows what a crushing blow that would be, and so elects to continue on...<br /><br />I know better, in my finer moments. But these thoughts aren't tempered by what I know in my finer moments. ;)Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-4634828119918683532012-07-20T09:20:26.821-07:002012-07-20T09:20:26.821-07:00Most days I am floating on such a cloud of fairy-t...Most days I am floating on such a cloud of fairy-tale proportions that I can't even fully describe. But when that cloud gets a few holes poked in it, I crash pretty hard. Thanks for the comment. :)Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-73340290718780179462012-07-20T09:19:14.911-07:002012-07-20T09:19:14.911-07:00I'd say it was my pleasure, but these were som...I'd say it was my pleasure, but these were some difficult thoughts to wrangle - so you're welcome. :)Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-76889283432221393022012-07-20T09:18:43.598-07:002012-07-20T09:18:43.598-07:00I know that exasperation you speak of. It doesn...I know that exasperation you speak of. It doesn't help to tell them it's yourself and your place in the dynamic you're second-guessing, though, does it?Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-48277330446155976462012-07-20T09:17:30.398-07:002012-07-20T09:17:30.398-07:00I try to look at it like that - he's very luck...I try to look at it like that - he's very lucky. <br /><br />But <i>so am I</i>, and I suppose maybe I'm waiting for the luck to run out.<br /><br />Generally I do try to do the same - but once in a while all the self-doubt comes bubbling up to the surface.Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-17159553432551820212012-07-20T09:15:59.243-07:002012-07-20T09:15:59.243-07:00It's going on many years for me at this point,...It's going on many years for me at this point, and I've only just put my finger on the why. I'd like to say we can get over it, but honestly I don't know.<br /><br />We can try. :)Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-59931628585053595482012-07-20T08:10:17.246-07:002012-07-20T08:10:17.246-07:00I have often wondered if second-guessing is a cons...I have often wondered if second-guessing is a consistent side effect that comes with being the one on the sub side who brings D/s to the table...<br />I absolutely LOVE the door analogy. I hadn't thought of it like that before, but it makes a lot of sense.Stormhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12613795542678253943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-70543559371393337842012-07-20T07:36:41.594-07:002012-07-20T07:36:41.594-07:00I'm with Jake on the neighbor opening doors - ...I'm with Jake on the neighbor opening doors - that's the part where I finally fully got it. I absolutely do this and not just in submission, there is an insecurity in me in relation to other parts of our relationship as well.<br /><br />Now that we understand the issue, how do we fix it?<br /><br />Great post.Kitty the Submissive Wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00185859722963938064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-9559351243611073742012-07-20T07:02:31.219-07:002012-07-20T07:02:31.219-07:00Understood this post loud and clear, as, it appear...Understood this post loud and clear, as, it appears, along with everybody else. You make a lot of good points here.<br /><br />Dee xDeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04850836843301245812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-80665290013281252442012-07-20T06:30:14.824-07:002012-07-20T06:30:14.824-07:00Oh, Conina, I love your neighbor-opening-doors met...Oh, Conina, I love your neighbor-opening-doors metaphor! You're so right about this, and you know what? While I see all the commenters above talking about how they do this from the submissive side, and while I know that sometimes Joy does this to me, I have to confess that I do it too. We Dominants are not immune to this disease. I have to stop.<br />Is it New Years? I think I need to make a resolution!<br /><br />Wonderful post!Jakehttp://leathercuffsandsilkenbonds.com/category/dominanceandsubmission/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1261315018538317662.post-43600376731008625412012-07-20T06:18:11.012-07:002012-07-20T06:18:11.012-07:00I'll join the chorus: i really thought this wa...I'll join the chorus: i really thought this was something i would outgrow, but with each new corner we go around, i seem to need to deal with it again. I am, i hope, at least getting better at recognizing it before i blow up completely.greengirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06897315716330033528noreply@blogger.com