Presence

Sex is not just two bodies colliding mindlessly until they happen to feel enough pleasure to stop.

It's about presence, and it's about intent, and, at least for us, it's about love.

Being there with what's happening is just as important as submitting to what's happening, and I have been excelling at being there for quite some time.

But what happens when I am distracted, when there are a million thoughts racing through my head and none of his caresses, none of the blows of the flogger, actually reach my essence? It is off planning a wiring diagram or wondering how we will ever finish the things we'd like to do - what happens?

Sometimes he may persist, drag me back through sheer force of his own not-inconsiderable will.

Sometimes, though, what happens is nothing at all. If I am not present, I cannot participate in play, in love, in sex. I may as well not be there at all.

Being present in the present is every bit as important as being willing to participate. If the body is willing but the spirit is off flying away somewhere already, there is no point.

Interestingly, the same goes for him. He sometimes sets himself on auto-pilot, and his essence is gone off on walkabout. Who knows what he's really thinking, but it certainly has nothing to do with me.

Here's the thing: we can both tell. Why bother pretending when both of us know?

Maybe we hope. We hope our wandering thoughts can be harnessed to do this thing that we actually quite enjoy. We have faith that eventually we will break through and our imaginations will be captured by what is actually going on rather than some imaginary plan for the future.

I am glad we both have faith, have hope - but most of all I am thankful that it isn't necessary so terribly often.

I am incredibly thankful for presence.

Happy new year, everyone.