Leap-day!

I adore my husband. I'm missing him a lot lately. Everyone has colds over here so even once we are alone in bed, we just kind of pass out. I'm missing more than just the sex; I'm missing the attention, the intimacy, the bizarre conversations we've been known to have once the lights are out.

I have the dreams of a sick person.

I dreamed that my husband went off somewhere in a car with a long-time friend of ours from the Internet, and the friend asked my husband about his sex life. My husband told our friend: "It's nothing special."

Then he came home and told me about it. I pretended to be okay with it at first, but after a day or so it was really bothering me, and I confronted him. "Nothing special? Our sex life is nothing special? I mean, I get why you wouldn't want to really go into it, but 'nothing special?' That is so, so insulting."

Then I dreamed that I posted a photo of a toilet here on this blog, and someone commented that they could tell I was sad from my eyes. "WTF?" I thought to myself, "There must be a reflection somewhere in that toilet! I should edit that photo right now."

....

That's all I've got today.

So hard to believe February is already over.

Happy leap-day, everyone!

Get out of my head already!

A few weeks ago, I had a strange dream.

(Isn't it funny how no one ever says "I had a perfectly normal dream?" Or just merely, "I had a dream." No, it's always strange, weird, funny, unsettling, or, perhaps if you're lucky, good.)

In this dream I got an email from an old flame, my first, who treated me badly and ended things without really ending them at all - he just stopped talking to me. It's a wound that has healed but left a permanent scar, and it doesn't help that he has a pretty common name. I have called him asshole, but I later realized that was an insult to assholes... seriously, what did an asshole ever do to deserve such a thing as being a detrimental name for a bad person?  We'll call him jerkwad, because that's my mom's favorite name for him.

So I got an email from jerkwad, and it was explaining why he ended things the way he did.

"I tried to take your submission slowly, but it just wasn't working." There was more, but it being a dream means I don't remember the rambling bulk of it, and just this one phrase sticks out in my memory.

To this my dream-self thought "WTF? I never offered my submission to this jerkwad. He can't take it from me. Of course it wasn't working."

Why would I dream a thing like this? To what end? I never even brought up the concept of submission to jerkwad. Why would it resurface in this manner over a decade later?

Clearly the dream is still bothering me. I keep worrying at it in my mind.

Anyone else with similar experiences? I don't want this guy in my head anymore, but he just lives there.