Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Asshattery abounds

Every winter solstice, a good friend of ours has a party. It's an outdoor party, with bonfires, all different kinds of beer, hotdogs for roasting over the fires, and assorted other snacks brought by attendees. Sometimes, it rains, but the party still goes on, and we huddle ourselves around the fires with just as much cheer - only not quite so many of us.

I talk to people at this party that I don't get to see that often, and people attend who I probably wouldn't ordinarily talk to at all, but I would not, ever, miss it. That party makes my whole holiday season. We're usually the first ones there to help and the last ones to leave, just before sunrise, when we can still get ourselves home safely but only just. We don't ever get drunk, but plenty of people do.

It's not a lifestyle party, but my friend always says clothing is optional. No one's ever gotten naked yet, although we did hear some wild sex stories last time.

A man/boy has come the last two years, and he was just of legal age when he started. We know this boy from elsewhere, but don't see him that often anymore, although I see him on facebook. He has a few physical things wrong with him, and he often, often complains (read whines) that he can't get a girlfriend because of it.

I am here to tell you it's not because of that.

I'll call him Luke, because that's the kind of whining he does about girls. ("But I was going to go into Toshi station to pick up some power converters!")

At the party, Luke had had a few, and was whining to another young man, who we'll call Dave, about how he can never get a girlfriend.

Dave says: "You need to lower your standards. You only want the 10s and you could get some 5s or 6s."
Luke: "That's not true, I could go for a 5 or a 6."
Dave: "What's your definition of a 5 or a 6?" Here he named some girls they both knew, one of whom I knew, as being 5s and 6s.
Luke: "Oh, no, ewww, those are 2s."

Okay, here's my first problem. What the hell kind of conversation is this, where you debate about someone's physical characteristics as if that defines their personhood? Is this a thing guys DO? It must be. It's not something I ever experienced in my real life, I only saw shit like that on dumb TV shows.

Since he was doing it, I went ahead and took the trouble of rating Luke on my own personal scale of hotness, which is not something I tend to do.... but if y'all really wanna know, Luke's pushing it to rate a 4, even if he had all his bits. He kind of resembles Mark Hamill (as he looks now), but smaller and shorter and not saggy.

Dave reasoned it out that his and all sane people's version of "obtainable" levels of hotness were insanely low on Luke's scale, and what most people he knew would rate a 10 Luke would only pass at a 6 or so. "No wonder you can't get a date if you're calling the 10s 6s!" He said something about Luke needing to widen his dating pool, and then Luke... Luke. Gods, the boy can't have been this drunk? He didn't sound that drunk...

Luke said: "I'm a fatophobe. I can also only date white girls, because I could never date a girl that didn't have pink nipples."

The top of my head about blew off, readers. No lie. I know my mouth was hanging open in shock, and I was still processing all the previous parts of this conversation.

I am a white girl. My nipples are not pink, unless it's possible they change color just after being abused a bit. They're sort of a pale brown.

Not my nipple, but the color is about right
Like that, right? Maybe a little darker than that. One day maybe I'll take a photo. This photo, btw, came right from the bloody wikipedia "nipple" page.

So this asshat, this guy says he can only date hot slender white girls with pink nipples? What. The. Fuck. What's he going to do, get all the thin white girls who are clamoring for the coveted position of his girlfriend to line up and flash him their tits? Not bloody likely. Or, say a girl starts to like him because she's taken in by his everyday nice demeanor, asks him to go out for coffee with her. What's he gonna do? Say "show me your nipples first, biatch?" That won't earn him much but a slap across the face. If he's lucky she won't steal his leg while he's not looking.

This asshole would be lucky to ever get to see any girl's nipple, whether it be pink or brown or black or green.

Having a grocery list of physical characteristics for a mate is never going to get you very far in a relationship, even if you start out from a position of privilege-by-your-own-hotness.

My husband says that Luke'll learn, that he's young yet.

My husband and I were married by the time we were this kid's age.

If I had an inkling that my husband had ever had such a conversation? I don't know that I would ever have been comfortable with him.

There's a reason girls have body image issues, have trouble accepting themselves. Ugly little vicious assholes are living inside guys who seem to be perfectly nice in any everyday encounter.

Women are people too, asshat.

27 comments:

  1. Amazing how stupid some people can be isn't it? It maybe a good thing he is so picky, no one will meet his standards so he won't be able to pass on the asshatery gene to offspring, lol.

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    1. That's a good point! He'll pick himself right out of the gene pool. A sort of sexual Darwin award.

      I thought about it recently, because my husband had been sucking my nipple, and it was standing up all aroused. He left to do something and I glanced down and saw it there, sexy, aroused, pale brown nipple. I started thinking about how stupid it was to care what color a nipple is in the grand scheme of a relationship, and then I started giggling when I should have been having sexy thoughts.

      All these months later and I'm still confounded by the idiocy.

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  2. Ok, som Luke bitches about girls not finding him physically attractive because of some physical issues, then refuses anyone not skinny, white, and with pink nipples? I've actually never seen truly pink nipples, for example, mine are kind of pink with orange undertones, and a light ruddy brown when highly aroused. Maybe he accepts pinkish shades? ~shrug~

    In any case, holding other people to higher standards than you hold yourself never ends well, but maybe he will outgrow it. If not, well, I really don't see him ever getting anywhere with a female, so you'll be amused by his double standards for many years to come.

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    1. YES, that's exactly what the little asshat does!

      And seriously, I would never have even thought he was a little asshat. He's 23 and was still getting driven around by his dad (or a friend) everywhere as of then, and speaks of his parents as his best friends, etc, etc.

      Delete
  3. Yup. A stunning number of men who are complete couch potatoes -- who can't remember the last time they did a pushup or closed a bag of potato chips before it was empty -- feel entitled to A) have girlfriends who do hit the gym and have visible abdominal muscles and B) treat women at the same level of fitness they are as untouchable trolls.

    Male entitlement is a disease -- but they'll only find out about it once they've significantly limited their lives through being mired in it.

    Another related common symptom? "Nice Guy Syndrome." That is, men who complain that "women only like the bad guys, the reason they don't go out with me is that I'm too nice." The real reason they don't go out with the Nice Guy? Because he feels that women should throw themselves at him without him having to make any effort to, oh, I don't know, wear clothes that fit, brush their teeth, or have hobbies that don't involve playing video games in a basement.

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    1. It boggles the mind. I honestly didn't know that was the way the world works, having only seen examples of it in fiction. I got a little (or a lot) lucky, I think.

      If Luke had all of his parts, he would probably complain that girls didn't go out with him because he's too nice. He also complains a lot about being in the "friend zone," and tells women on facebook (via status updates) that's where they put him.

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  4. Luke does not have a girlfriend because the force is not yet with him, in this case the force is also called maturity. Age is such a lousy indicator of how grown up someone is.

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    1. I've got to say this made me giggle. :)

      Yeah, maturity is one of those things that sometimes eludes people. I had a friend who always claimed to be 13 at every birthday, and honestly it wasn't far from the truth.

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  5. I'm kind of flabbergasted that men sit around referring to women by numbers. I've never seen women do that. We'd sit around and say he's "attractive" or "cute" or "hot" or "superhot" but not a 10 or a 7 or whatever. Weird.

    As for the nipples thing, as soon as you brought up the required pinkness I immediately looked at mine, and well, relative to my beige skin they're pinkish, but not pink. They're pinker than my beige skin, but next to something pink, they don't look pink. You know, compared to your blog background, for example. Hee. But then maybe that's more mauve?

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    1. Lady, I was completely flabbergasted! I had no idea this stuff went on either, and I'm relieved to hear you didn't either.

      Could just be people from the hick backwater parts of the country who watch too much TV who do it? Let's hope.

      I'd call my blog background lavender.... though it is a tad on the pink side. Anyway, yeah, compared to actual pink things my nipples are just plain brown. :)

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  6. Mine are pink. I just don't let jerks get anywhere near 'em.

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    1. I love this.

      I like a little jerking on mine, but not by jerks, m'kay? ;)

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  7. Looking at them again, maybe mine are kind of pale brick.

    You go, Lily! Don't let pink-nipple-requiring jerks anywhere near your coveted pink nipples. Hee!:)

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  8. I'd say the guy is very immature and might grow up, or not. I like how Sir J put it, "Age is such a lousy indicator of how grown up someone is."

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    1. He was involved in another amusing event that night too that indicates his lack of maturity, but I cannot tell that story for fear someone would find it on looking up the key phrase. It's even more highly identified than two-jerks at a beer party.

      But, yes. I think I was more mature at 12 than this guy is at 22.

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  9. The guy is definitely an asshat, but the reality is, we all have preferences as to what we find attractive or not. Master's cock has ruined me for all others. I see pictures of other ones and I'm like shaking my head, nope, uh uh. Have you ever seen the Seinfeld episode where Jerry's girlfriend won't take a bite of the pie?

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    1. I cannot say that I have seen that.

      There are preferences that help in weeding out the dating pool, yes. I'd like men who are taller than me or at least my same height (not hard because I'm quite short), and honestly I don't want to ever have sex with a circumcised man again. But those are preferences I have gained since exploring my sexuality. I prefer those things because that's what I have with the man I have and I love them - if anything happened to him and I ever got over it enough to date, I'd want those things again.

      But this guy doesn't HAVE a dating pool! I don't know that he's ever been on a date. So if he'd ever like to see anyone's nipples, he should probably relax a bit. :)

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    2. Oh! I did see it! As soon as I posted this comment I remembered it.

      Delete
  10. I love that you call him Luke. Heh.

    I want so badly to snark on this guy, because eesh, the gross entitlement. But the pop-psychologist in me also suspects that this is a convenient defense mechanism for the kid. Reject 'em before they reject you.

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    1. First thing that came to mind, really. Especially since he does resemble him a little. :)

      You're probably right. But how sad, to assume that women work the same asshatty way as he does and therefore never be with anyone.

      At the same party there was a beautiful girl (well, to me, God knows I don't what he'd call her) who was girlfriend to a man who is not merely wheelchair-bound, but doubled over in it. She wasn't with him for his looks. He probably doesn't care what color her nipples are.

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  11. This was a fun post... I think in certain decades that I am eight, but in the last several, I suffer cause of my curves. Good thing H is from an earlier decade than me. And Italian. (Speaking of judging people by their looks, it never occurred to me that he looked anything other than normal until we went through a small regional airport in Texas and they puposely set off the scanner to search him. Twice. I guess his skin is kind of olive.)

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    1. More to hang on to, amiright?

      Doesn't matter what number an asshat would assign you - you have hotter sex than asshats ever will.

      Let's hope, anyway. :)

      Twice, even! That had to be so irritating... I hate airports.

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  12. missing parts may not be a dealbreaker for a woman worth knowing, but unfortunately neither is latent asshattery, which would be why girls end up with body image issues as you mentioned... I hope luke outgrows the shallowness and finds a nice girl, but in that order. I'm sure to get flamed for this but vilifying him for his preferences is a bit much - just hope he can learn to focus on something that actually matters for good sex, but I guess if you've only seen sex and relationships from the outside, placing importance on the outside is a natural and sad mistake.

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    1. The missing parts wouldn't be a dealbreaker at all, indeed. I just felt he was being a bit hypocritical in saying girls wouldn't be with him for something physical, while blatantly excluding pretty much the entire population of women from his own dating pool. Only skinny, beautiful white girls (10s, or rather, 6s and up in his own words) with pink nipples? Really, dunno how that's going to work for him.

      No flames for you, nor am I exactly vilifying him - he didn't express it as a preference, as in "I really like pink nipples," but expressed it as an absolute fact that all white girls have pink nipples. 'cause, you know, he doesn't know much.

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  13. Movie recommendation: "She's Out Of My League"

    It's silly. It's lame. It's got a lot of stupid jokes in it, and I wouldn't ever call it a 'deep' movie.

    It also has the number system. But it handles it relatively well (or as well as something like that can be handled) -- in that it's about learning to accept that guys sometimes have issues with confidence too, and how the scale can smack both males and females around with impunity. And how love gets over that.

    More in line with your post: My nipples are so fucking glad that Luke wouldn't want them, and so am I.

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    1. I will check it out, thanks.

      Pink-nippled girls of the world beware, right?

      Delete
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