Asshattery abounds

Every winter solstice, a good friend of ours has a party. It's an outdoor party, with bonfires, all different kinds of beer, hotdogs for roasting over the fires, and assorted other snacks brought by attendees. Sometimes, it rains, but the party still goes on, and we huddle ourselves around the fires with just as much cheer - only not quite so many of us.

I talk to people at this party that I don't get to see that often, and people attend who I probably wouldn't ordinarily talk to at all, but I would not, ever, miss it. That party makes my whole holiday season. We're usually the first ones there to help and the last ones to leave, just before sunrise, when we can still get ourselves home safely but only just. We don't ever get drunk, but plenty of people do.

It's not a lifestyle party, but my friend always says clothing is optional. No one's ever gotten naked yet, although we did hear some wild sex stories last time.

A man/boy has come the last two years, and he was just of legal age when he started. We know this boy from elsewhere, but don't see him that often anymore, although I see him on facebook. He has a few physical things wrong with him, and he often, often complains (read whines) that he can't get a girlfriend because of it.

I am here to tell you it's not because of that.

I'll call him Luke, because that's the kind of whining he does about girls. ("But I was going to go into Toshi station to pick up some power converters!")

At the party, Luke had had a few, and was whining to another young man, who we'll call Dave, about how he can never get a girlfriend.

Dave says: "You need to lower your standards. You only want the 10s and you could get some 5s or 6s."
Luke: "That's not true, I could go for a 5 or a 6."
Dave: "What's your definition of a 5 or a 6?" Here he named some girls they both knew, one of whom I knew, as being 5s and 6s.
Luke: "Oh, no, ewww, those are 2s."

Okay, here's my first problem. What the hell kind of conversation is this, where you debate about someone's physical characteristics as if that defines their personhood? Is this a thing guys DO? It must be. It's not something I ever experienced in my real life, I only saw shit like that on dumb TV shows.

Since he was doing it, I went ahead and took the trouble of rating Luke on my own personal scale of hotness, which is not something I tend to do.... but if y'all really wanna know, Luke's pushing it to rate a 4, even if he had all his bits. He kind of resembles Mark Hamill (as he looks now), but smaller and shorter and not saggy.

Dave reasoned it out that his and all sane people's version of "obtainable" levels of hotness were insanely low on Luke's scale, and what most people he knew would rate a 10 Luke would only pass at a 6 or so. "No wonder you can't get a date if you're calling the 10s 6s!" He said something about Luke needing to widen his dating pool, and then Luke... Luke. Gods, the boy can't have been this drunk? He didn't sound that drunk...

Luke said: "I'm a fatophobe. I can also only date white girls, because I could never date a girl that didn't have pink nipples."

The top of my head about blew off, readers. No lie. I know my mouth was hanging open in shock, and I was still processing all the previous parts of this conversation.

I am a white girl. My nipples are not pink, unless it's possible they change color just after being abused a bit. They're sort of a pale brown.

Not my nipple, but the color is about right

Like that, right? Maybe a little darker than that. One day maybe I'll take a photo. This photo, btw, came right from the bloody wikipedia "nipple" page.

So this asshat, this guy says he can only date hot slender white girls with pink nipples? What. The. Fuck. What's he going to do, get all the thin white girls who are clamoring for the coveted position of his girlfriend to line up and flash him their tits? Not bloody likely. Or, say a girl starts to like him because she's taken in by his everyday nice demeanor, asks him to go out for coffee with her. What's he gonna do? Say "show me your nipples first, biatch?" That won't earn him much but a slap across the face. If he's lucky she won't steal his leg while he's not looking.

This asshole would be lucky to ever get to see any girl's nipple, whether it be pink or brown or black or green.

Having a grocery list of physical characteristics for a mate is never going to get you very far in a relationship, even if you start out from a position of privilege-by-your-own-hotness.

My husband says that Luke'll learn, that he's young yet.

My husband and I were married by the time we were this kid's age.

If I had an inkling that my husband had ever had such a conversation? I don't know that I would ever have been comfortable with him.

There's a reason girls have body image issues, have trouble accepting themselves. Ugly little vicious assholes are living inside guys who seem to be perfectly nice in any everyday encounter.

Women are people too, asshat.