Sunday, October 28, 2012

Anal angst

If the title is not warning enough, this post may be a little too much information for some. 



I love anal sex.

There was a time in my marriage when I, as the more sexually educated half of us, the one who was more aware of the things she wanted and needed, perhaps should have stepped up to educate my husband a little better.

I mean, really, how hard is it to say "Lots of lube, love, and go slow, but often, please?"

Harder than you'd think. My submissive sexuality only complicated matters, since I so often confused "Giving him what he wants" with "Waiting until he finds out what he wants and then asks for it." My husband, while I adore him and think he's amazing, is not the most proactive of souls. He doesn't actively seek out things on his own the way I do. I still have remnants of that problem drifting around due to this fundamental part of his makeup.

What I did instead worked, but I don't recommend it. It can lead to some confusion.

I would bathe, cleaning myself thoroughly, inside and out - this part I still do. Afterward, my skin still damp from the bath, my long hair dripping down my back, I would lean over the bed provocatively to lube myself. The fantasy playing in my head in those instances was always one of non-consent. 

"No, not in my ass, oh, oh, that's so sensitive, please don't, don't," I would beg my imaginary tormentor as my own fingers made me slippery and ready for penetration. A subfantasy would often run alongside this one, that my husband would walk in and find me like that, call me names, tell me what a dirty, dirty girl I was. He'd be overcome with lust and take me, forcing me to stay bent over as he slid into my pre-prepared ass. 

"How nice of the dirty girl to lube her ass for me to fuck," he'd say as he slammed into me and I groaned, protesting, writhing, kicking my feet uselessly.

That never happened. He'd always stay in the other room politely until I came out.

The fact that I often screamed quite loudly in surprised terror the few times he did walk in on me (not in lube-mode) when I wasn't expecting it didn't help either.

So, unbeknownst to the man, I would be pre-prepared for anal. Later, during sex, I would ease myself off his cock, shift, making my desires known, and he would slide into my ass.

The worst part of that? I never knew how far along in the process we were. Sometimes I'd miss the window entirely, so enjoying the vaginal portion of the sex that I would not get anal because he'd come, not realizing I wanted more.



Now is better, because he decides. But it's also worse, because I expend all the effort to make myself presentable and so very often he does nothing about it.

"Why you no like anal sex anymore?" I asked him recently, as we lay spent in each other's arms after some particularly thrilling sex. Yeah, I sometimes talk like that when I'm all used up.

"I suppose I enjoy myself just fine without it!" he said, sounding a little surprised. "Also, it's a lot of extra effort, you know."

Lube. He meant the lube. The lube that he applies when he is ready. Perhaps he also meant the effort of slowing down so as not to tear me open, I'm not sure.

Visions of the effort it takes me to prepare myself flitted through my head. The effort that so often is for naught. The cumulative hours that I have spent for no good reason.

Being submissive doesn't mean I want to waste my time, not even if it's more convenient for my dominant 1/30th of the time.

Sometimes, it thrills me a little, to know that I do this for his convenience and he can choose not to partake. More often though, it feels like there is no recognition that anything is happening on my side. It's just one of those things that goes on out of his view, like brushing my teeth or washing my hair, that he may or may not be aware of. Part of what I love about him is how accepting he is of me, with joint compound and paint on my clothes, sawdust and spiderwebs in my hair, or all dressed up - he seems to find me equally appealing regardless. I realize this is possibly just the flip side of that. Man who doesn't care doesn't care. Gasp

So I still have those fantasies. Those bent over, lubed fingers sliding into my backside while I beg them to stop, dirty talking fantasies. He plays his part well when he chooses to play it, because I have had quite a lot of anal experience with my husband and it only serves to feed the fantasies deeper.

Typical for me, I am greedy. 

I want more.

I always, always want more. Kisses, blowjobs, vaginal, anal, manual, flogging, spanking, biting, pinching, pulling, twisting, hugging, touching, stroking, squeezing. I just want more. There is never a moment when I am thinking "Nah, no more contact for me for a while."

(Amusing aside: as I wrote this post, my husband came up behind me and kissed me, three times quickly as I tilted my face back to his. I left my face tilted back when he pulled away, and he came back to kiss me again. "You always want more than three kisses. What's up with that?" he asked, grinning. 

I smiled hugely at him and pointed to the sentences I had already written above. He laughed.)

It's surprising the man doesn't give up in exhaustion, because the more amazing he is, the more of that I want from him. Perhaps he is thinking "Can't this woman ever be satisfied?"

Technically, no, I can't.

Because while I can be suffused with elation, my every sense sated in the moment, I'm insatiable.

I think that's a credit to the man for whom my hunger burns.


38 comments:

  1. When I think of what I went through the last time to get ready for anal. Seriously, it took a few hours, since the first enema didn't leave me clean enough. And then when the event actually occurred, it was awful, the man complained the entire time. I wish I was joking. For whatever reason, the man can't ever seem to find a position that really works. He's way taller than me, don't have a ramp, but still, how difficult can it be? Stick it in and leave it in. But no, he keeps changing positions, taking it out, putting it back in, it's no longer hard enough, takes it out, rubs it back up, puts it back in, asks me why I moved, as if that was the problem, when the moving I did was backing into him trying to keep the darn thing (I love his cock but it does NOT like it in there).

    Anyway . . . yeah . . . when a girl spends literally like three hours on enemas preparing herself, don't want to hear a man complain that the 30 seconds spent on lube is too much of a bother.

    And you thought YOU were going to give TMI. Hee.

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    1. Right there with you - though I don't think it's ever taken three hours for one instance, I am totally feeling you.

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  2. I had a lot of success with informing Bryce that it was National Fisting Day *giggles* even though I'm not sure it exists *giggle giggle*

    (Note: vaginal fisting! not anal, ow.)

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    1. Heh. :) I had a lot of success with that too - although we didn't technically have success, it was a lot of fun trying.

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  3. I'm not very good at anal, but I am getting better. I have discovered that when I'm face down and panting with excitment, "slow" sounds a lot like "no". But we're working on that :)

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    1. Haha. Enunciate, lady, enunciate. ;)

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  4. Well I love anal sex. Really do. I always tell DH not to be proud, use the lube. He does when he thinks of it, but often just tries other methods first. I have figure out though that if I use my homemade mineral oil/sugar scrub in the shower, it leaves my very ready and doesn't take much time. But I guess the difference between us is that DH will do anything to get anal sex, and prepares me for a long time during the sex, and sometimes even spankings...

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    1. WIll you share your mineral oil/sugar scrub recipe - it sounds perfect!!

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    2. Well, mineral oil can be found at Target or Walmart, usually in the laxative isle. I just pour sugar in a container, you can add any good smelling oil if you like, just a drop or two, and then the oil. Mix it up. Its a scrub type, so it should not be to runny, but too much sugar hurts when you use it around your bottom, so just a good in between. Sorry don't have measurements.

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    3. The thought of using a sugar scrub anywhere NEAR there makes me shudder with horror. Yeah, I think I'm far more into the anal than my husband is, and as such he often just doesn't think of it.

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    4. Well, if you make it yourself, you get to decide how much sugar, I love it.

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  5. Another vote for anal sex here, love it but my preference is not too much lube i like it to be intense and an element of discomfort (him not too much!).

    Generally though he will apply the lube during or after a spanking or a caning etc so it builds the anticipation, that i know whats coming.

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    1. That's really interesting - even with plenty of lube I find it intense and slightly uncomfortable.

      Anticipation is amazing. :)

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    2. I could really enjoy him spanking me and then lubing me up and sticking it in. That would be hot.

      As for discomfort, it's still uncomfortable for me even with lube, but not painful. I wouldn't want it to be totally comfortable either. With lube though, it's not sore the next day which is good. No fun going to the bathroom with a sore butt getting infected and itchy with poo germs. TMI. But if it ever happens to you, pour echinacea tea on it. In my experience it works.

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  6. Joy loves anal sex, and as you do, Conina, prepares herself just about every night. Though I don't always take advantage of her rear end's readiness with anal intercourse, very often I choose to fulfill her need with some sort of plug. That way, even if I feel like using her vagina or mouth for the evening, she has the contentment of feeling full back there, as well as the knowledge that the time she spent in preparation didn't go waste...

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    1. Yeah, a plug, a finger, anything at all would be okay with me. It doesn't have to be full-on, but some stimulation is definitely welcome.

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    2. Conina, do you tell your husband this? I don't understand why he wouldn't try to fulfill your need, if he knows about it? Especially if you're so flexible with it.

      It also sounded like he might not know how much trouble you go through, or the fantasies you have. Let him in on them! No one can read minds, and a submissive can emphasize how much a certain fantasy or a certain act is in their mind, even if the PIC gets to decide what they do.

      Also, in my opinnion, there's really no need for enemas. (SQUICK!) If he can't handle a little poo on his dick, - and there usually isn't any - with the stuff that comes from vagina sometimes, he's too immature to have sex at all. ;)

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    3. Hey, girl, good to see you here. :)

      I have had the conversation a couple of times - but, this blog is an extension of my dialogue with him, and the thought I put into a post seems to set my desires in his head a little better than a couple minutes of conversation. (even a few times)

      The cleaning out is all me. I like lots of stimulation there - fingers, toys, cock - and don't want a mess or a smell. Usually it's just a quick rinsing but some evenings it's more involved.

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  7. LOL - I just had a long conversation with my Sir about my insatiability (heheh)

    OK, so on my own TMI side, I love anal, LOVE it, but I think SIr just likes it. That disconnect means that it happens much less than I wish. Now while I think I'd be happy with a plug or dildo sometimes, I think he just doesn't often think of it at all or it's just not convenient. IDK. I think, honestly, Sir simply doesn't remember...kind of like you said, it's the double sided coin of not caring and being easy going =)

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    1. I have had so many conversations about insatiability. And it only gets stronger as we get older.

      Yeah, I think our men were raised up in the same training camp, because that's my main problem too. (oh to have such problems) :)

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    2. Holy crap....imagine us at 60...YIKES.

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    3. I was very horny in my 30's.

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    4. A lot of my trouble arises from the fact that my sex drive, already high in my teens, has only risen, while my husband's is on the slowdown. He says it's because he's had more sex. Okay.

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  8. i wish i could be more enthusiastic about it. i don't NOT love it, i do! but it's troublesome cos after that we both need to go to the toilet and do all that cleaning up... with regular sex and blowjobs a damp towel / wet tissues are all that's needed till later when we're thru for the day / night.

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    1. What t1klish said - I'm completely clean when we do stuff, and I have to go to the toilet just after vaginal sex too. There's not really "all that cleaning up" with us... just some lube and hand-washing.

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    2. Fondles and Conina,
      you really don't have to wash all the sperm after the sex? (Or your mouth after a blowjob?) Now I'm baffled.

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    3. After a blow job, it all goes down my throat. Sometimes I need a drink of water after. :)

      After sex at night, I wait 'til the morning to have a proper wash. Sex in the morning, yes, I wash afterward. Otherwise there's a smell.

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  9. I just wanted to add that apparently the amount of trouble involved depends on the man. Anal with my ex included no extra trouble at all. On the occasion that we were both in the mood, I bent over the bed, he stuck it in, he kept it in until it was ready. I would finish by just a few seconds of rubbing myself. He finished. He went to the bathroom without a production and threw away the condom in the bathroom trash. Then I went to the bathroom, just like after all sex, to pee, and wiped both places. Tada!

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    1. I don't think that would work for me, so maybe it's not just dependent on the man. :) But as far as cleanup it's not such a big deal with us either... I guess because I take that time beforehand.

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    2. Ok, rephrase, the trouble involved for ME apparently depends on the man. Don't know if we just had lucky timing or what, but with the ex there was very little mess to clean up afterwards. Not enough to go to any preparation in advance over. Never even thought about enemizing ahead of time because the mess afterwards was so miniscule. Master, on the other hand, literally pulls it out after a few seconds and hunts for mess. And when we're talking about the inside of one's butt, if you look hard enough, you'll find it.

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    3. Ugh, pulling it out and looking for mess is just ASKING for trouble. That man is so weird.

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  10. Thanks. When will I learn? Why did I think I could read this and not be driven insane and start whimpering. I LOVE anal and will beg like an unabashed dog!

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    1. I'm not sure which part of this drove you insane, but ...happy to be of service? :) (ditto)

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  11. I empathize, somewhat -- I love being "forced" into anal, and my daddy will sometimes use it as punishment, but too often he wants me to relax and enjoy it, and that just doesn't turn me on.... I don't want it to be "consensual" or "comfortable" -- and when it's used as "punishment", I get so exited, I even cum sometimes... We're still working those kinks out :) Good luck!

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    1. I get this - I still have some "force" fantasies that I really want to explore, while my husband is far happier if I am expressing enjoyment. Since it's not going to work if he is actively not happy (think wiltage) mostly I've adjusted.

      The few times we've roleplayed the anal force, he was a little TOO forceful and... it wasn't good. Once I ripped (3 months to heal) and once I thought I'd been stabbed with a burning poker and we couldn't continue. I like the struggles and the words of force combined with the slow careful actions of a lover. :)

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