Friday, October 19, 2012

Chest of secrets

My favorite piece of furniture in our apartment, besides our bed, for obvious reasons, is a tufted storage ottoman with a hinged lid.

Almost exactly like this.
We bought it brand-new from Goodwill for $40. Apparently Target donates a lot of stuff to Goodwill; who knew?

It's very, very roomy. Inside I have stored hundreds of feet of rope that I have dyed, my scissors, matches, candles, dozens of reels of hand-dyed twine, and two large bags of D-rings. On top of all that sits the more vanilla stuff - two hundred feet of paracord and buckles for making bracelets, a 2-lb weight that I use for holding one end of my bracelets when I make them, and my little one's potholder weaving stuff.

We call it my rope chest. When we sit in the evenings, I often have my feet propped on it. We had guests recently, and one of them spent the evening unknowingly sitting on top of all that stuff, while we laughed and chatted and had a good time.

When you open the lid, the stuff on top gets your attention first, but you move that out of the way and all these glorious, beautiful, glowing layers shine out. My rope addiction aside, the layers are interesting to peel back. A gorgeous bit of rope may be lurking at the bottom, forgotten because of the newer things piled on top.

I think everyone has a metaphorical chest of wonders inside themselves. Inside that chest are all our kinks, our innermost desires, the ways that we best relate to others people within relationships. Some people have lots of kinks in theirs, while some people have hidden talents that they show no one. The secrets inside our chests sparkle, but we're afraid to take them out.

Many people keep theirs locked up tight and never even peek inside, but those of us who have taken that leap and opened the chest are greedy. Taking out the first layer is terrifying and exhilarating all at once, but is hardly ever enough. After the breathtaking experiences that first layer gives us, we want to drag out every little thing inside and decorate our lives with it all. The things inside are too spectacular, too wonderful, too fantastic to shove them back in that chest and close it again, to live our lives without acknowledging and celebrating some of the most amazing parts of us. Some of us want to take the things out slowly and examine them, explore and savor each individual wonder, while others want to just dump the whole thing out and let the items inside erupt everywhere in glorious chaos, dealing with the fallout as it comes.

Both of those approaches are completely valid.

It doesn't matter how you explore your wonders, as long as you explore them.

What happens, though, when you have two people in a relationship, they've both agreed to explore those chests, and one is the more thoughtful, savoring type, while the other one wants it all out now? We could of course complicate this endlessly by adding more partners to the equation, but I will stick with two.

Logic seems to dictate that you go at the slower pace, since you can both keep up with that. Unfortunately, life doesn't always follow patterns of logic. To the person who wants more, more, please just let me see/feel/do/experience more, the slower pace can seem torturous, perhaps even intentionally so, if that person is the s-type.

What then?

The way I see it, there are a few options.


  • The partners talk. I know, right? While I don't think this is an issue where compromise is necessary, - especially if a power exchange is involved - if the partner with the longing can be let in, in detail, on the thought processes of the other person, I think that would go a long long way toward relieving some of that need to be on to the next thing.
  • The slower partner picks up the pace ever-so-slightly. Not enough to feel rushed, but enough to give the other person a sense of progress. Perhaps examine several things at once instead of just one. If you have three or four new activities or ideas to ponder instead of just one, that can let the other person feel more of a sense of progress, more like the bottom will eventually be uncovered.
  • The faster partner chills the hell out. Probably most useful in combination with the above options. It's never done anyone any good to shove a person where they're not quite ready to go yet. In concert with chilling out, talking more about what's on the other person's mind, perhaps even bringing up something new that is tangentially related to what you're already exploring, is bound to go a long long way toward building that bridge between the two of you.
I love my rope chest. I love that it occupies so much floor space in my living room, I love that it's the most attractive piece in our home so far, and I love that no visitors know what's there unless I choose to show them.

I love my kink chest too. We're still only a few layers deep, and I have no idea where the bottom is. We're having a blast exploring it though - even if I do get a little greedy sometimes.

I've just given new meaning to the phrase "Something to get off my chest," haven't I?

Happy Friday, everyone!



26 comments:

  1. Terrific post and so true. Having your rope hidden in plain sight within your ottoman must be a thrill.

    Hug,
    joey

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    1. My boy likes to show it to people, so sometimes I'm a little frightened of what he may say. So far he hasn't shown it to anyone who can't see it. :)

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  2. Lovely post.
    It is great how a simple piece of furniture can contain so much--we have a few pieces like this in our abode and it amuses me when one a guests sits on it or asks about it. No one has ever been brave enough (or rude enough, I suppose) to take the lids off and look inside. Probably a good thing :o)

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    1. I can't even imagine going into someone's house and looking into their storage furniture! But then, some people are rude. I caught myself opening a door on a side table at a friend's house- but I was majorly curious about how it was constructed (I like knowing how things go together) - AND I'm doing a lot of work around the house so it was second nature to pull things apart. Thankfully it was empty. :)

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  3. I love hearing about how you explore your wonders.

    I am a want it all now person but ther is something to be said for savoring each part as they come.

    Happy Friday.

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    1. I'm a "let's dump out half of it now and save the rest for later" person. :)

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  4. Well this is very thougthful and insightful. YES, *laughing*, new meaning to something to get off your chest - for sure. I like that.

    I struggle with the pacing myself...one of us is very patient and measured and the other is NOT (guess who that is). Yep, I have difficulty with the 'chill the hell out' portion.

    I love the potholder stuff on top (lmao).

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    1. I think it's a lot easier to chill the hell out when you're not needy as all get-out. :) (that's me :))

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  5. Great post. Very thought provoking.

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  6. Very insightful and beautifully written... Thank you!

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    1. That's saying something - just went and read many of your beautiful posts myself. I appreciate the praise!

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  7. I totally thought I commented on this one... I like your suggestions, but it all revolves around communication and I am not so sure if I have that part nailed quite yet. I keep thinking I do and then BLAMMO. Not so much. :)

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    1. It's kind of hard to nail down a moving part, I know from experience. You have to clamp that sucker GOOD before you start nailing it. :) I know exactly what you mean though.

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  8. I like this post on both the literal and the metaphorical level. Your chest is beautiful (ummm...double meaning not entirely intended, though I am mindful of a recent photo you posted), and it's fun that it holds a dark secret in plain sight. And the metaphorical chest you mention is lovely as well. I used to be a "dump it on the floor" kind of guy, but have learned the value of savoring each individual secret one-by-one over time. Fortunately that's the right approach for Joy as well. Don't know how it would work if she wanted to go fast!

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    1. Many times I want to dump it all on the floor, but my husband is kind of a slow mover - in life and in conversations as well as in kink.

      Sometimes, that's a good, good thing. So the frustrations it may cause other times are still worth it in the end.

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  9. What a lovely analogy. Thanks. i think it's often hard for us to wait ~ i know i tend to want more now, now, now, but there's not only value in pacing it to be with your partner, but learning to communicate is so important.

    hugs,

    aisha

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    1. The communicating part is the most important. Sometimes I think we've got it perfected and then...nope. :) Oh well, you only stop learning when you're dead, I think.

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  10. I'd like something like that to bend over. Hee.

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    1. Oh girl, I SO want to bend over this.

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  11. Rope chest - I love it. I'm only one layer deep in the kink chest...looking forward to further explorations!

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    1. It's a fun place to explore - I'm glad we're all in it together. :) I like to share.

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  12. i've been so busy lately I've only had time to read and none to comment so I'm late to the party, but I wanted to say you have SURPASSED yourself here. I love your writing and your posts usually are sublime but this is really beautiful and brilliant, your best yet imo

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    1. That's okay, I've been so busy lately I've barely had time to read OR comment OR write. :) Thank you SO much for the loveliest of lovely compliments.

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  13. Thank you Conina...that blog spoke directly to me...I want everything out of the chest now and H is the do things at his own pace one :)

    In you words I may have to "chill the hell out" :D

    xxx

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    1. You're not the only one! "Dump it out!" says me. "Savor it!" says him. :) I am totally feeling you.

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