Thursday, May 31, 2012

Blow jobs are awesome

SO I've been wondering. The friends I talk to about sex all HATE giving their men blowjobs. I know they're averse to the TiH/TTWD/D/s relationship model too. Is there some correlation between women who enjoy blowjobs and desiring to be sub to their men? your thoughts please?
-From Fondlers Anonymous

I'm definitely submissive, and have been so for the entire span of my relationship.

I love giving my husband blow jobs. I love everything about blow jobs. I love the ease of having my mouth penetrated, I love how easily he gets turned on by the idea of it. God, I love having his cock in my mouth, growing to hard as steel if it started out soft, just forcing its way into me if it's already hard. The taste, the smell, the texture, the way it gets shiny and coated in my saliva and the way it blocks my air as it enters my throat, the noises it forces out of me as it pushes into me. The feel of his hands on my head, the encouraging and sometimes humiliating things he says to me during.... GOD. Sucking his cock turns me on, yo. One-way ticket straight to hornyville.

Umm... yeah, where was I?

Anyway. I've always loved them. Even cyber ones. But I've found that the more I do it, the more addicted I am to it - just like sex. If you don't do it at all, then you begin to lose sight of the appeal of it.

We went through a period (YEARS, readers, YEARS), and I don't know why because we were up to some pretty kinky shit, of mostly vanilla sex very very sparsely punctuated by intense D/s scenes. During that time I hardly ever gave a blow job, and I didn't really miss it, crave it... anything. I craved more control, yeah, and if he'd told me to I would have. But blow jobs specifically didn't really appeal to me, though I could recall when they really, really did.

And one day, inspired by reading an old chat of ours, or perhaps a deliciously naughty email he'd sent me years before, I decided I'd just do it the next time we had sex.

I did.

It wasn't spectacular for me, I won't lie. But I did feel incredibly submissive and compliant and pleasing, as he lay there panting from pleasure and obviously delighted.

So I did it, every time, not always sucking him to completion but sucking him in some way, shape, or form, as often as I could. It didn't take long before it wasn't just to please him, before I did indeed crave it, before I was, in fact, a complete and total slut for his cock.

I also started writing him letters detailing my desires, once again, as I've referenced before...

It didn't take that much longer before he stepped up and started being the dominant he is now. Perhaps because he saw how much pleasing him was pleasing me, perhaps because he had some vague recollection of how things had been, or perhaps he realized I was after more permanence than the brief, shining, widely scattered jewels of scenes we were having.

I have no proof that the constant, unrelenting cocksucking is what brought back this dynamic, but it certainly didn't hurt.

I don't think it's necessarily a singularly submissive trait to enjoy it - because holy shit but it's awesome to please a lover like that. But I do think there's a certain amount of adoration required before you're thinking more about your lover's pleasure than your own, getting off on getting him off.. and on the sheer physical experience. I think it's all wound up with social conditioning too - if you're going to have sex with it, and if sex is dirty, why would you put it in your mouth?

....how could you not want to put it in your mouth? But then I spend quite a bit of time getting myself clean, and I don't think sex is dirty AT ALL, so...

35 comments:

  1. Based on my experience, I definitely think there's a correlation between women who enjoy giving blow jobs and enjoy being submissive. Our experience is similar to yours, as we went many years with few or no blowjobs in the picture, until one day Kallisto decided that she was going to start sucking my cock more often, about the same time that she seriously got interested in being spanked, and the spanking and blowjobs quickly became a near daily event (593 days in a row at one point, though we skip days more often now). She continues to improve.

    Having said that, this was another really good post! I love reading your writing and can't get enough of it. Especially the posts on this topic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think there's a correlation of some sort - though I'm absolutely certain that one doesn't have to be submissive to enjoy it - that enjoying it doesn't make one more inclined to submission.

      It's a pretty awesome decision to make, so kudos to her!

      I love reading your compliments and can't get enough of them either! :) (That's how I say thank you this time)

      Delete
  2. Yes, indeed, they are awesome! Woo!

    I've always enjoyed them because they are stress-free no birth control needed. They've always been the primary sexual activity in my life.

    It wasn't nearly as much fun with the ex though. I did it for the above reason, and because I enjoy doing it, and he enjoyed getting them, but there wasn't the subservient dynamic that there is with Master. And, how can I say this nicely, the ex's cock wasn't nearly as awesome as Master's. I mean seriously, Master has ruined me for all other cocks. Hee. It's not just that the size and shape and smooth even tone are perfect, it's also because Master is SO clean! I'd swear he never even sweats. If he does, he always makes sure to wash it off before he visits me. Master is always fresh as a daisy. Can men be fresh as daisies?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Men CAN be fresh as daisies, and a special attention to clean cock definitely, definitely, DEFINITELY increases my desire to suck. Definitely. The fresher it is, the more likely I'll be drawn to put it in my mouth.

      Delete
  3. That my friend is The Power of a Blow Job, lol. It was just two weeks ago I wrote my post about loving to give blowjobs. I looked it up cause I was just talking with Kitty about it.

    Much like you, I don't find anything at all dirty or disgusting about it. I crave the taste of my man and there is always some amount of time spent with his cock in my mouth whenever we are playing :) Sometimes it's the appetizer, some times it's the main course, sometimes it's dessert. It's always on the menu, lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooops!!! It was FA I was talking to not Kitty. I think it might be my bedtime, lol, I'm starting to get confused :)

      Delete
    2. I read that post of yours when you posted it, and I certainly felt our kinship levels go up by several points. :) Yeah, there's definitely going to be some cock in mouth anytime we play.

      Well, unless he forbids it to tease me...

      Delete
  4. I really admire your love for blowjobs. My guy gets one every day (sometimes twice) that we're together. Problem is, I wish I loved them, I'm trying to get myself to like it because I know how happy it makes him, but I can't help what goes through my head. Got any secrets? I really would like to enjoy the act! I don't find it dirty, it just physically hurts my head and jaw.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Change your position, lie on your side, get a pillow for your neck. Comfort is everything; when you're comfortable and your head is supported you can focus a lot more on the pleasure of the act, on the noises he makes, on the way he feels to you. If there's pain involved, of a non-erotic, cramping variety, then it's not going to be something you look forward to.

      That's actually one of the things I had to change too when I started regularly giving head. If I was above him leaning over, then my head and jaw would cramp a lot faster... if we were lying on our sides and I didn't have a pillow, same. I actually bought one of those squishy cushions with the beads in it to rest my head on during blow jobs.

      Now, years later, I can quite enjoy the occasional leaning over position - I especially love when he tosses his legs over my shoulders and traps my head between his thighs... But the jaw exercise that made that enjoyment possible came from long, long sessions lying on my side, just pleasuring us both for extended periods of time. Sucking, stopping if my jaw started to ache, stroking, exploring the landscape.

      Fun stuff. ;)

      Delete
    2. Thankfully my head and jaw have never gotten particularly sore, but there can be other problems. My very favorite way to do it is with him sitting in a chair and me on my knees, because I'm perfectly comfortable, and I like being on my knees for him. But if he's lying on his back and I'm propped up on my elbow, my shoulder gets sore after a few minutes, so that is my least favorite way to do it.

      Delete
    3. Yeah, propping yourself up on one arm is key to disaster. We only do that for brief moments. I enjoy the sitting position a lot, because I enjoy the act of being on my knees too - but we can't do it often because my knees are pretty bad.

      Delete
    4. Thanks Conina! I'm going to try that. He always has me propped on an arm, kneeling while he's laying down. It's his favorite position, so I haven't spoken up about the discomfort, but if I were more enthusiastic about giving the BJ's, then maybe he'd be willing to compromise! :) Maybe I should get a pillow too!

      Delete
  5. I tried to explain this on Jake's post the other day, but I am not making it come out right. I love giving blow jobs. But it is not a general thing. There are two men in my entire life that I have ever loved, desired and wanted to give a blow job to. Everyone else? More like a chore. One thing those two had in common - They were also both really into eating me out.

    I don't know if it correlates, but it does to me.

    Now, submission, that's a whole nother thing because, well - I sometimes NEED to have something in my mouth after a spanking... we are complex complicated creatures. Especially when pain is involved.

    I might have to do a post on that.

    Good post girl.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know what? I didn't put it anywhere into my post, but my husband is only my second lover, ever, and so when I was writing it just seemed a given that the blow jobs I was talking about were on HIM, because I adore him. All the reasons I give that I love blow jobs - well, giving my true love so much pleasure is the top one, the one I didn't even THINK to mention.... and all of the other reasons, loving the taste and smell and sight... well, of him, specifically.

      So, no, not a general thing for me either. :) Thanks for making that distinction, because it's important.

      Fantastic comment, and thanks for the praise. :)

      Delete
    2. LOL - I just made it sound like there have been SO many men. Well, actually, my 20's were kinda slutty, but that has more to do with oh, who cares?

      This decade? Just H. And he is more than enough. :)

      Delete
    3. *laughing* I didn't think there had been SO many - just definitely more than my one half-assed aborted awful excuse for a boyfriend. :)

      Delete
  6. This entire discussion is absolutely fascinating! I would love to give my sir a blow job everytime I see him, but I'm gun shy offering it because 1. it feels agressive on my part and 2. it feels presumptuous on my part and 3. I'm not convinced I'm "good" at it. He is certainly a kind sir and would never demand it, but sometimes I wish he would.

    I'm going to follow every link on here to get more tips! Love the post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SpankCake, welcome!

      You know what, you don't have to be 'good' at it. Practice makes perfect. Enthusiasm is the number one way to give as many blow jobs as your heart desires. If he knows you're hot for it, it'll make it twice as appealing. (this stands true for vanilla as well)

      Delete
  7. Ok, seeing as I'm reading this SO much later than everyone else ( I slept early last night and usually your posts come in during the wee hours of my morning seeing as I'm halfway across the globe)...

    1) I've always liked giving them. There have been a few men in my life so I can't say it's only because he's my Dom so I go down on him - most of the other guys weren't Dom at all. And cleanliness is definitely an issue. I think at some point they realise that before anything's going to happen (sex) both of us need to be clean. None of that come in from a footy game and get a blowjob shit.

    2) It IS possible to smell like a daisy. And it definitely helps if they do. Makes me keen to rub my whole face in their crotch. Smelling fresh and clean like man-soap especially. yum.

    3) I prefer having as little hair as possible too. So I generally request to have them shaven. Only ONE refused to do it. Not my best candidate either.

    4)I agree that loving to give blowjobs is not a prerequisite for being sub, nor is it a definite tell tale sign, or that ALL subs enjoy going down on their men automatically. But I DO still wonder if a girl who enjoys giving 'em is predisposed to having a sub inclination. Most people associate it with being "beneath" or "below" a guy, perhaps the physical position aids this idea. And somehow the words "lord over" come to mind. Subbing and giving BJs both allow your Master / dom to lord over you no? (in some way... not abuse might I add. Lording as implied by a sense of adoration and dedication.)

    5)My preferred position is on hands and knees over my guy. That way my neck doesn't have to do the bobbing... I can use my arms/shoulders to move myself up and down. On my side is nice too.. and recently discovered - head hanging off the edge of bed. That's totally sub in my head. And in general it's not always sucking. When I get tired there's also licking, kissing, and "fucking" with the mouth in a general O shape (sometimes covering the whole cock completely as it goes in and out, and sometimes with gaps so it's a fixed O), tonguing - a well-placed flick of the tongue can be so rewarding.

    6)A favourite of mine to do is having some suction and then using my tongue to flick the sensitive underside of his head at the same time as I'm moving up and down. And he likes it too.

    7) The most important thing I've learnt is that you gotta get to know his cock. They're all different. And they all like different things. The exploration is half the fun. (I think this is why I name them!!)

    (SORRY FOR THE SUPER LONG COMMENT... SHEESH)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1) It's not because he's my dom, it's because I absolutely freaking adore the man to distraction, regardless of what kind of sex we're having. :) Everything about him, including his cock.

      2) We did have lots of talks about cleanliness too, so it's not an instant thing. They're not sticking their face in their own crotches, so they don't necessarily realize the kind of funk that can go on down there.

      3) The hair in general doesn't bother me - but we do shave his balls.

      5) I really enjoy hands and knees too, but the length of time has to be significantly reduced for that as well because my wrists get pretty unhappy with me - sometimes more than others. I have a lot of joint issues, unfortunately. I also enjoy the not-69 position with me kneeling next to his head facing his feet.

      7) Mmm, exploring.

      I like the super long comment! :)

      Delete
    2. is that what it's called? Not-69? =)

      I like lying between his legs on my side and resting my head on his hip. lets me have cock in mouth while looking up and maintaining a convo too.

      Ah wrists - i hear you. Used to have bad pains there, due to injuries in my youth - but they haven't acted up in a long while thank God! I've almost forgotten all about that.

      BIKSS was happily reading the comments on this post FYI. He said - I knew you like blowjobs, but it's beginning to sound like a craving. Me:and you're only figuring this out NOW?

      Delete
    3. Oh, I dunno what it's actually called, if anything. I just find that to be the quickest descriptor. :)

      Craving, yes, duh, BFAIKSS. :)

      Delete
  8. And thanks for the mention too. Appreciate it.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I believe it can be a submissive trait but doesn't have to be. It's one of my favorite things to do and would be happy to daily (if only there was enough hours in the day) I always loved it though. He just benefits from years of practice :) but yes most of my vanilla friends are hesitant if not against blow jobs. How can a person be against something that makes their other half happy? Everyone just needs to suck it up. Literally

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is what I'm thinking. Pleasing your SO should really be right up there on people's priority lists, right? Regardless of the amount of spice and/or flavoring involved in the sex...

      If the D/s were to disappear tomorrow, I'd still be all about the blow jobs. (and I'd miss the D/s and wonder wtf happened, of course...)

      Delete
  10. Um....... I am still in those early days you wrote about at the beginning of your post. I am I think, in the minority here lol. I can't say why I don't do this off my own back very often..... nothing to do with thinking its dirty though, but the words selfish and lazy are trying to enter my thoughts! Hmmm, I'll maybe have to follow what you yourself did...... and just do it one day. Mitch does so much to/for me, I think I may be feeling guilty.

    Dee x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dee, it's awesome that you're aware of and able to admit that!

      The virtual disappearance of the blow job from our sex life really did detract from it, although it was more difficult to notice than it is when we just stop having sex for a while.

      I dunno if you work like I do, but if I go long enough without sex I just don't see the appeal anymore. The blow job was apparently the same way, and he didn't want to feel like he'd forced me into it, because, well, he's awesome like that. Mitch probably is too.

      It really is an amazing way to connect with your lover, and it's addictive to the point that I'd be perfectly happy now if he'd let me do it every morning... (some weeks he does, mmm)

      Delete
  11. I always find the 'women don't like giving blow jobs' thing interesting, because I LOVE sucking my husband's cock, LOVE it. Haven't achieved him cumming in my mouth unless he also jerks off a bit, but it's something he finds particularly difficult for some reason. I love sucking him hard though - that's awesome!

    There is a large submissive part to me certainly, but I identify as a switch and when I'm in a dominant phase I still love sucking his cock, there's just a different slant on it.

    I love the whole feel of being full in my mouth and throat, I love his taste - honestly, even if he's sweaty etc, he still smells and tastes awesome to me!

    I vastly prefer it to him going down on me - which again, is something that 'all women love' supposedly. I've never really liked it. The only reason I'm more or less ok with it now is because it's something my husband really enjoys doing, so he insists and I have to take it, and the 'have to take it' thing DOES float my boat (luckily)

    ReplyDelete
  12. There's a certain kind of sweat I'm okay with. But the all day, drop-of-urine-in-the-pants ("No matter how you shake and dance, the last few drops go in your pants") kind of funk is a major turnoff for me. But I think, if I were switchable, that I'd enjoy the entire experience just as much from the other side.

    I'm right there with you. It's not that I MIND him going down on me, but there's so many other things I like more. So, I take it when he wants to as well, because that floats my boat too.

    ReplyDelete
  13. urine doesn't feature in my kink but if I encountered a drop accidently I don't think it would squick me out that much - it's sterile after all and we have six kids, so bodily fluids have pretty much ceased to bother me that much!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It wouldn't really squick me - it's not the drop, it's the all-day smell and the idea of putting that in my mouth. It's not him in general either - I love sticking my nose in his armpit, for example.

      Pretty much any sort of bodily fluid has ceased to bother me too (six kids! whoa!), we have one and had three cats, so eh. Just the idea of them in my mouth doesn't turn me on, and might possibly turn me off (example - have had babies spit up in my mouth. Not fun, not terrible, didn't freak out. But not sexy either.)

      Delete
  14. oh, more thoughts on the him going down on me thing. A position we've really discovered this year and use a lot is me with my legs together - him fucking me with my legs together, either on my back or on my front. Well, I was on my front with my legs together a little while ago and he sort of went down on me from behind, if you can imagine that.

    I nearly hit the roof! Entirely different experience all together! Needless to say he's exploited that a few times since!

    The other way I've enjoyed is that we often play with me not getting to orgasm when I'm menstruating, and when my first orgasm when I've finished menstruating comes with a stipulation - usually something I feel a bit shy or squirmy about - so I can only cum if I have a butt plug in, or - as he did once - I could only cum while he was going down on me. This was a challenge in all sorts of ways, especially as I find it difficult to cum sometimes without him doing the 10 - 1 count down and commanding him, but it worked beautifully - I'm so damn horny after 5 days or so of being constantly teased and edged that to be honest, he'd only have to look at me and give me permission for me to explode!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oooh, that sounds interesting. We did something kind of like that once via text a million years ago, but I don't think we have in person. (the going down from behind thing) It gave me a sort of helpless vibe that I really really liked when we were typing it. Thanks for the idea!

      Sounds like he's training you to like it better, in various ways. What a clever bloke you have!

      Delete
  15. yes he's very clever. too clever for my own good sometimes if you know what i mean!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for reading. I hope you'll let me know you were here - I like friends!