Saturday, December 10, 2011

Symbiotic relationships: where angst fears to tread

This is my hundredth published post. I had a whole long post about the trials of my life all ready to go for number 100, but that seems wrong, somehow.

It's Christmas! Some really terrible things have happened to my family and property back home this weekend, but I have my love, my child, and I do have some really fantastic friends and family even if I never do get to see them. So I am trying to be happy, to count my blessings. The other post can sit and wait a while.

While we were snuggled together grieving over one of the terrible events, this conversation transpired between my husband and I while our child was busy trying to separate us.

"This little person seems to think we're two people or something," I observed.
"Yeah, funny, that."
"You are part of me, aren't you?"
"A part that likes to hurt me?"
"Yeah," he nodded, "are you a part of me that likes to be hurt?"
"Mmhmm," I buried my face into his shirt.
"Thought so," he said smugly, squeezing me tightly against himself.

That exchange has been stewing in my head all day. It's true, we're those people, the ones that make people roll their eyes and fake-gag, the ones that don't go anywhere without each other, the ones that actually get irritated when couples events are divided into "girls decorate ornaments, guys play cards." Screw that, I want to do stuff with this man, not separately from him. Besides, those events are so diluted for general consumption that they're practically meaningless, surely. My man isn't interested in cards for the sake of cards, I know.

So, if you're in one of this beautifully symbiotic relationships with your other half, and if, like me, you sometimes come to question the validity of your desires, stop it.

These guys? No angst. None.
When your back itches, you scratch it or you find someone who will. You don't mumble to yourself about your stupid back needing to be scratched, what the hell is wrong with the stupid retarded back, normal people's backs don't itch. Yours itches, so you scratch it. If your head aches, you lie down or you take something or you remove yourself from the thing that started it aching. You deal with your parts on their terms, and you do what needs doing to them to keep them as happy as you can, to maintain good working order of yourself as a whole.

If you're in a dedicated relationship with a person, you're part of each other. You scratch each others' itches because that's what the hand does for the back, or the head, or the balls.

Angst over "does s/he" or "should I" has no place in this sort of relationship. I have absolutely no qualms asking my husband to literally scratch a part of my back I can't reach. He even lets me grab his arm by the elbow and stick his hand wherever I want it to scratch! That right there is fabulous, you guys should try it. Seriously.

So then why do I often try to work myself into knots about my sexual desires? He's not working himself into knots. He just does what he does. The fact that I'm submissive shouldn't come into play as a bother here - he has no qualms, he's not concerned about anything, so neither should I be. He's not complaining because his figurative back itches, he just scratches it.

I'm going to stop it.

I'm going to simply be thankful for the blessing of deliciously kinky sex, and all the itches that get scratched between us.


  1. My ex and I did everything together. We didn't have much lust. But we were best friends, life companions, shared in everything. I miss having someone to watch sports with, and to scratch the itch on my back that I have trouble reaching.

  2. What a lovely post.

    My husband once called me "a beneficial parasite in a symbiotic relationship" lol.

  3. t1klish: It's sad that you guys couldn't maintain that friendship even when your marriage ended.

    lil: Beneficial hey! I like it. :)

    greengirl: Thanks!

  4. A good back-scratching is an under-appreciated act. It's extra delicious because it's something one can't do very well for oneself. Kinda like something else I know...

  5. Congratulations on your 100th post! That's a terrific milestone!!

    And sounds like a good resolve - to quit tying yourself in knots... enjoy instead.


  6. Jake: Absolutely! My husband is really good at scratching me too. I try to return the favor whenever he needs, but I feel I probably fail to be as awesome as he is.

    aisha: Thanks! I prefer when he ties me in knots anyway. ;)

  7. Congrats on your 100th post! I certainly enjoyed it and could relate. Michael and I even have people gagging on facebook lately with our lovey dovies. lol I'm sorry for whatever the terrible events were. But I think it's great that you're managing to focus on your blessings. I like the whole "I prefer when he ties me in knots anyway." ;)

  8. Grace: Thank you! That's awesome (about making people gag)... my husband and I have had people on facebook tell us to "get a room," but I think they're just jealous. :)


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