GUEST POST by my HUSBAND!
As Conina has mentioned, I certainly didn’t start out being comfortable talking during sex. I won’t go into the details of my naivete when it comes to kink in our early years together, but suffice it to say I was quite the noob and Conina opened my eyes to quite the new world.
I learned early on that talking was good. It felt a bit awkward at the very beginning, but I got over that pretty quickly. What I discovered was that talking really sets the atmosphere, sets up a scenario even when there’s not much role play going on. It keeps us both in the very headspace we want to be in.
Now, when it comes to talking dirty, I guess I started slow, using the occasional word here and there that I hadn’t before. I called her names, mostly, in the beginning. I used words that I wouldn’t use before that I could tell were affecting her the way I wanted to. Thankfully Conina will often respond with a moan or a groan when I press the right buttons with my words, and I use that as a gauge to make sure I don’t overdo it.
Over our years together I have been expanding my sex talk vocabulary, and it’s only through experience (we love to “practice”) that I’ve become better at improving my timing and have learned that my words are most effective when they’re particularly aimed at making her feel owned, dominated, subservient... I suspect you get the idea.
To me it works both because I get the right kind of feedback in response, which tells me that what I’m doing is working, and because it becomes part of the action, enforcing my role and my behavior towards her. Without any immediate response to me I would certainly be more hesitant to say anything.
As usual moderation is important. After a while it becomes too easy to try the same thing over and over, and when you’re too focused on your actions your words can get a little out of hand (and vice-versa of course). So it may be best to err on the side of saying too little at first.
Timing is equally important. Follow phrases up with actions, or do them simultaneously. Words must match behavior, certainly don’t just say things for the sake of it. Let them come naturally, which isn’t actually that hard considering you’re unlikely to find a more appropriate time to be using phrases like this.
So in summary, dominants should be aware of how effective saying the right kind of things can be, and the importance of using words to further make your sub feel submissive.
I'd like to thank my lovely, lovely husband for agreeing to write this for us. He's awesome, shy though he may be. - Conina