Happiness

Inspired by aisha.

There's a line from Our Lady Peace that I always remember when my world comes crashing down - as it tends to, by pattern.

"I'm upset, happiness is not a fish that you can catch."

It's a good song.

My husband and I have weathered quite a bit of tragedy. Our marriage has been the rock that we've clung to as the storms have passed us. He makes me happy. He makes me laugh even on days when I look in the mirror at my reddened, tear-streaked face and wish we didn't have mirrors.

This makes the fifth man who has died in our lives since our marriage, none of them from old age. A girl really could develop a complex. That's in addition to illnesses, friends completely stopping communication for no clear reason, fires wiping out property, burglaries, vandalism, etc.

People tend to see patterns where there are none - the universe isn't out to get me, I know. It's out to get everyone equally, some of us just get a little more of the fallout.

Happiness is not a fish that you can catch, but it is something you can court and keep it coming back. The crushing, painful, unbelievable blows the world deals out don't have to be the spring from which all your refreshment is obtained. The world also has happiness on tap, even if you can't catch it, mount it and put it on your wall. Those moments of good cheer - those are the ones you have to hang on to, and let all the other ones slip by, carried away by time.

I apologize for the string of mixed metaphors.

The sadness lingers in me. Each time something else sad happens, it's like the whole pile comes back all at once, like every bad thing has just happened all together, with no time in between.

However, the happiness comes back, not to be contained by the dreary, sad, forlorn state. It always comes back, even when it seems indecent to be happy.

I have a good life. I have a wonderful husband, awesome friends, a beautiful, brilliant child.

I won't ignore all of those things because awful things happen, keep happening. I will grieve, but I will not stop living. I will cling to my husband and we will come out stronger.

We will be happy again.