Friday, January 20, 2012

The saddest thing

A dear friend of ours succumbed to the pressures of this life yesterday and took his own life.

I am still processing. I am crushed.

Life is precious, all of you. This friend of mine knew that I loved him, but I still wonder if I could have done more. A recent falling out between us contributed to more distance than I would have liked in recent weeks, but he seemed to be doing well - you never really know when a phone call will literally save a life. An email from him on Monday said he'd talk to me later.

...

He never will.

20 comments:

  1. So sorry hun. I lost a dear friend the very same way. Leaves you with questions that never will be answered. Remember the good times it helps a little as time passes.

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    1. Thank you. It's amazing how well people can hide how badly they're doing until it's too late.

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  2. I'm so sorry, Conina. This is the hardest thing to understand. Life is so precious and meaningful. I'm glad you have your hubby to hold onto. Hugs and lots and lots of compassion, mg

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    1. Thank you so much. My husband decided to work from home today, so we've been doing a lot of holding.

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  3. I'm so sorry, I lost a beloved brother-in-law this way. It crushed me as we had been very close and he hid it so well from us. Take care of yourself. And just one word of advice, don't question what you could have done to change it, no one knows the answer to that.

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    1. It startles me just how MANY people have lost someone to suicide. Thank you for the advice - it's hard, but I'm trying to follow it.

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  4. Conina, you and your dear friend are in my thoughts and prayers. Suicide is always a tragedy and it has touched my life in the past as well. When I was 12 years old, one of my closest friends committed suicide. I felt a deep sense of guilt and responsibility, I had been trying to help her through depression for a while and I often wondered what I could have done differently and if I could have prevented it. But.. it's important to remember - people have agency and free will. It is a choice they have made. *offers a hug* I just hope you don't blame yourself.

    That said, I agree with you very much. Life is precious and I do my best to be as kind to people as possible. You never know what kind of day a person is having. Even a smile or a "thanks" to a stranger can make a lot of difference. Just try not to shoulder too much responsibility yourself. <3

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    1. Thank you, I gratefully accept and return the hug. He'd been going through a lot and we'd been trying to help him - so we're trying hard to hold on to that and not blame ourselves.

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  5. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear friend.

    Love,
    Kitty

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  6. Hi Conina - my condolences to you and yours.
    Suicide is a hard thing to deal with. I've come too close to it a few times, as depression has been one of the demons in my life for nearly twenty years. I know when I've been close to the edge, it's seemed like the logical, smartest thing to do for everyone, me included, so by its very nature the act is flawed logic.
    Don't try to understand it - you won't be able to, as the only person who understood the rationale behind the decision is sadly gone.
    Just remember the good times, as one of the previous posters suggested. The good times were your friends good times too.
    JJ

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    1. Thank you - all these well-wishes actually do me a lot of good.

      I'm an obsessive photo-and-video taker too, so I have lots of good times well-preserved.

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  7. Dear Conina,

    I'm so sorry for your loss. As others have said, suicide is very hard to deal with, and people who commit suicide leave a slimy trail of guilt on everyone who knew them that is difficult to shake. Ultimately, we survivors all feel we have done too little.

    And yet ~~

    The only person whose suicide you can prevent is your own.

    Hugs and deep condolences on your loss,

    aisha

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    1. I read this comment aloud to my whole family, and it really resonated with all of us. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it.

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    2. Hey ~ I've been thinking of you and your family... aisha

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    3. I appreciate knowing that a lot. :)

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  8. The only person I was ever in love with doesn't want to be alive. I never know, is he going to answer the phone the next time I'm calling? It's different, but the one thing I learned is that there's nothing you can do except listen when they want to talk. They will talk if they want to, they won't if they don't. You can support them if you know and if they let you, but you cannot transfer your lust for life onto them.

    I agree with the sentence above, that the only suicide you can prevent is your own. It's true. And yet, frustrating and tragic as hell. How is one supposed to come to terms with that?

    I am very sorry that you have to go through this and I am even more sorry for your friend because, in the end, it was his life.

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    1. I was wondering if I'd lost you over my vacation.

      Thank you for your take on it - I do very much appreciate it. Coming to terms with that fact is hard.

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    2. Yes, I'm busy and feel strangely detached from everything online. But maybe it's a good thing. I'm still here though. ;-)

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Thank you for reading. I hope you'll let me know you were here - I like friends!