"I can't take any more, please, please, please stop."
"Oh yes you can, and you will."
"I'll do anything if you'll stop."
"You'll do anything if I don't."
I want to be broken, sobbing with exquisite pain or pleasure, possibly both, begging for it to end but my cries unheeded. I need to be pushed over the edge, used until I am beyond exhaustion.
I can't say why because I don't know.
I only know that I need.
I understand this feeling. Sucks don't it? And not in a good way. Hope you get what you need soon.
ReplyDeleteIt's not the worst thing ever, but it's certainly not nice. Thanks for the sympathy, and I'm glad your situation is improving.
DeleteWeirdly that's the theme here too. Please stop no wait maybe not. Oh an odd frame of mind to be in. So know how you feel. I often wonder why i need it myself.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think people were designed to think more than is good for them. Less thinking, more spanking, more sex. Yes.
DeleteThat's how I feel when I'm writing my naughty fiction and the story and the sex escalates until it explodes. But in real life I'm the opposite. I want peace. I need safety. No fear. No pain.
ReplyDeleteMy real life consists of a little more than intimate interactions, much to my chagrin. :) And in those I definitely need to feel safe and peaceful, at least within my home. I'm not huge on fear during a scene either - a little trepidation, but we've not done outright fear so I suppose I can't comment on it for reals.
DeleteI totally get this :)
ReplyDeleteIt's so good to be understood, isn't it? At least by someone. :)
DeleteOh I understand the need very well, although I don't delve too deep into the why. But only because if I open that particular flood gate I may never be able to close it again.
DeleteI have to say though that it'll be a cold day in hell before I'll give my tears. My body, and mind etc yes, but my tears....I'm a stubborn bitch at heart, and those tears have to be earnt.
B x
I have yet to cry in a scene.. Sobbing doesn't always involve tears, for me.
DeleteWhen I said "at least by someone" I didn't mean anyone here wouldn't get it. ;)
DeleteI think I've read this post five times now, and yet I find myself unsure how to word the comment I feel compelled to leave.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that you both recognise and accept the intensity you require, even if you don't understand it. For myself, when I have that near-sadistic urge, I tend to revel in the power of it, rather than explore where it came from. The truth is I don't want to know. I don't want to risk ruining it. I just want to enjoy it while it's there.
JJ
I think sometimes trying to explore the origin of something is an urge we should ignore, indeed. "Ohh look, it crawled out of the garbage...yuck!"
DeleteConina,
ReplyDeleteI have often been mystified by the term "broken". Although I understand what you are referring to, or at the very least I believe I understand, for me being pushed to the edge is not about being broken but rather embracing life. The only comparison I have, from my own personal experience, was when I was a runner. For those who run or do any competitive sport the term, "hitting the wall" is often used when one thinks his or her body can no longer go any further. This is of course the pinnacle and where one must push forward, their entire body aching and screaming for mercy. No mercy is given though and the pain suddenly transforms to a burst of energy and self assurance that, for me, surpasses any other euphoric high that I have ever experienced; well with the exception of when Master uses me to the point of where I scream for mercy and scream for more all at the same time.
A high is a high. Endorphins and trust. Running or being beaten. They are one in the same but for me they are not about being broken. They are indeed about being made stronger!
A little food for thought perhaps.
~a
You raise an excellent point, and I do agree.
ReplyDeleteWhen I refer to "broken" here, I don't actually mean a high, or even a metaphorical kind of having the spirit beaten out of me. I mean feeling like I have been broken across a hard surface. Like dried pasta, like I have nothing left. This one isn't a constant craving, for me it's rather extreme... but yeah. Perhaps it is a bit of having the spirit beaten out of me. ;)