Friday, January 17, 2014

Advice from my husband

"My nipples were really, really sensitive today," I whispered against his chest as he held me in his arms in bed. He'd abused them pretty terribly the night before and every time I moved, all day, I was reminded of that fact.

"Maybe you should stop hanging out with a nipple sadist," he replied into my hair.

As if.


  1. I'm a misfit. I don't like nipple pain. I would so like it if Master would play with them in a way that feels good, since they're my number one erogenous zone to get me turned on, but it seems the longer I know him, the less he has any capacity to do any feel-good things to me. Probably because feel-good touching could be construed as a "loving" act. And we can't have that! Master is rather nutty.

    It's weird though, my whole life I had no idea that men liked to hurt things that they like. I always assumed if they liked something, they would want to touch it in a like that thing kind of way. For example, they don't want to break their toys, computers, cell phones, etc. So why the urge to cause pain to female body parts they like? It's a mystery to me.

    Glad you're having fun though. I miss you when you don't post for a long time.

  2. I love nipple pain, but only when applied a certain way that's actually taken him quite some years to get exactly right.

    I actually orgasmed from it a few days ago. I'm working on not showing shameface over that.

    My husband has only recently come into his own realization that he enjoys hurting me for his own sake, and I'm quite pleased about that because it means he's not doing it just because he knows I like it, even if he doesn't.

    But he definitely started out only wanting to handle me gently. It was actually pretty amazing and healing for me, our first few years, how he treated me (physically) like the most precious thing that he'd never ever cause pain to, ever. Like a treasured china doll or something. Even when I'd convince him to tie me up or something, he was super gentle about it.

    BUT I actually enjoy this other stuff, and he loves me, so he ventured there with me and eventually discovered it turns him on. Even if that's only because it turns ME on, it's happy-making.

    I miss you too (and thank you so much for saying so - that means a lot). I'm trying to fit time for this in - thought I'd start small.

    1. Oh, and he says, when I ask him WHY he likes it - "Because I like to make you feel me in all the ways I can."

      Also because it turns me on.

    2. Yeah, the whole thing is a conundrum. That's interesting that it took years for your husband to get it exactly right. Was it because you yourself didn't know exactly what would work best because you hadn't experienced it yet, or was it that you knew, but didn't tell him clearly enough?

      Mine just want normal touching, you know, the way men have always been known for touching breasts. Squeeze and twist a little. Well, at least all the men I ever knew before this one. Honestly, I get tired of having to play with my own all the time. It would be SO nice if he would play with them when he says he wants me to be turned on and having orgasms and such. It's difficult to have one without them being played with. But if I have to beg him to do it, that would also be a turn off, so I don't seem to get anywhere with this.

    3. Hm, I think it's a mix of those two, plus a little bit of fear on his part of hurting me too much. My nipples can take a lot of abuse, and it only starts REALLY hurting somewhere way past his own personal "this is too much" sense. I don't care much for REALLY hurting, except maybe as a small punctuation toward the end of an extended - I'll call it - nearly really hurting period. (say, as in, extended heavy squeezing followed by sliding those fingers off...and causing the pain level to increase as they pinch a smaller area before they stop) But his internal stops tell him that he's really really hurting me a long, long time before he actually is.

      So I like squeeze and twist a little, and then a little more, and then a little more.... the sensation increases slowly in the direction of actual pain, but hardly ever actually gets there. Not just immediate hard pinching. That's actually kind of annoying. My brain can't grasp the sensation and relish it properly. I too orgasm far more readily with proper nipple play, and without it I might be just as annoyed as you are.

      I really don't understand why anyone would prefer to play with someone's nipples in a way that doesn't make that person happy. On the end of the performer, there's not really much to playing with a nipple except the response it gets out of the person it's attached to - right? So why just annoy someone? (question directed to your master, mostly)

    4. Yes, exactly, since it doesn't give him any direct pleasure, why not do it right? Hee. At the very beginning, he did it kind of the normal way, but as our dynamic evolved, don't ask me how these things happen, but it became more and more about HIS pleasure, and he stopped playing with them even close to a normal way. Basically he ignores them. He insists I'm topless so he can see them, but then he ignores them. Maybe he grabs a nipple and yanks as he walks by, but as you probably can imagine, THAT is not pleasurable at all. I'm fine most of the time with the "for his pleasure" thing, for example, I have no interest in having orgasms and such with him, but I would like to get aroused, and playing with my breasts while he tells me it's all about his pleasure, could actually be very effective.

  3. Small, but nice... Reading Tikish and your reply confuse me somewhat. I have been reading more trying to understand the life style of surrender... Tikish stated that her Master doesn't do love act things, but yours do. I understand you were the one who encouraged this life style, but I have read where it's the same for others who came into a Master domain. I think reading about Masters not like your own may be why some of us think indifferent about the act of surrender. They think it's all about control, abuse, selflessness and the lack of love and caring. But now with the emergence of blogs like your own, people like myself, understand this is not true. There is a lot of love and caring just like any other life style, you just have to keep reading to learn. And I'm slowly learning, even with the road bumps of confusion...

    peace and love

    1. I think T1klish is in a fairly unique sort of non-relationship relationship, that confuses many people. Her man seems to operate on some sort of porn-informed desire to do certain things without really understanding the motivations behind them, or caring to examine them. (at least that's what I've gotten out of her descriptions of their interactions)

      I think a lot of people confuse BDSM with the sort of behavior you're talking about - which is easily done with just visual porn to go on, and trying to emulate that. I tend to focus on a non-visual style, all thoughts and feelings and sensations. Rather than "we did this and it looked like this," I'm more "we did this and this is what I was thinking and this is how it felt."

      It's a lot easier to go there with writing than it is with video. My own submissive sexuality is just a part of me that's been there longer than I can even remember properly, just like any other part of me, and it's through my husband's great love for me that we explore it together. If he tosses words at me that may seem to some to be ugly or hurtful, it's because I've begged him to use those words, because those words trigger something primal inside of me that makes me feel more myself.

      I identify strongly as "sex slave," though for years I refused to even try to call myself that because some people seem to feel that there are all these rules and strictures and what-have-you - "a sex slave has no rights," "a sex slave is extreme," "a slave blah blah blah."

      But ultimately what I realized is that the terms of a sex slave are very very much determined by that slave's owner. Just like any other sort of slave at any other point in time. I still hesitate to go on and on about it on my blog or to use those words if not quoting my husband, because there are still people who like to point out that I wear clothes and am not collared all the time and make my own decisions. But whatever. My husband adores me and is perfectly happy with having me as I am to enjoy when he pleases, and that's enough for the both of us. Like most things in life, it is what you make of it.

      I'm not even sure if I've helped you out here or muddied the waters even more. Let me know. :)

    2. Conina tried to explain, but yes, my situation is pretty much the opposite of hers. Conina and her man are married, and were married a long time before this developed fully. They love each other very much, and neither of them have issues with expressing that in the conventional way. As for the D/s stuff, Conina has taught him what she likes, and since he loves her and likes turning her on, he's been a good student. Conina, I hope I explained that ok.

      My situation, on the other hand, is that Master pretty much walked right out of my fantasies, I initiated a hello, he said hello back, he could see I was interested, he expressed interest in return, in a sex-only relationship. My marriage had just ended at the time, so what Master wanted from me was what I wanted from him. He has issues when it comes to sex and love. Kind of a madonna-whore thing. You don't have dirty sex with people you love, and you don't love people you have dirty sex with. So in order for this to work for him, the sex has to be not loving.

      As for the activities and style, he gets some of his ideas from porn. It fits his dominant personality, and the madonna-whore thing, to want sex that way. But he gets a lot of bad ideas from porn that I have to say no to, and try to get him to stay more within his own naturally dominant vibe, which truly is extremely attractive and arousing, and not try to emulate those awful mean insulting porn "Doms."

      We've been together doing this for three years, and he does express a level of caring for me in other, more practical ways, like asking before his visits what he should bring to eat, what movies I would prefer to watch, offering to take me to the supermarket when my shoulder was sprained so I couldn't lug things home, fixing leaky faucets when he notices them. He's very much an old-fashioned kind of man in those ways. He doesn't express affection with words and cuddles, but more with doing considerate little everyday kinds of things. Both of us are in our 50's, so it makes sense that he's a bit of an old-fashioned man in that way. Which is nice. He's a rare find out here in La La Land.

    3. I like to thank you Conina and Tiklish, for addressing my comment. It was enlightening reading both of your comments. It seems that both of you have, or still is adjusting to your own drum beat of BDSM. Tiklish a little closer to the BDSM standards, and yourself is more of what you prefer. It did clean up the confusion I had... But the main thing is that both of you are loved. :)

      Enjoy the rest of your weekend

  4. Yea!! So glad you're here!!! Mmmmmmm nipple torture can make me insane!!!!! I am so thrilled that he loves doing it as much as you love receiving it. Perfection!!


    1. He's experimenting a lot lately with it more and more as he finds that he enjoys it more and more (at least that seems to be what's happening). I'm certainly not complaining. Even mentioning that they were sensitive all day wasn't complaining. I just like to let him know what he's done to me. :)

      (I'm glad we're both here, too).

  5. Hoorah! So lovely to see you back! And a lovely long yummy conversation in the comments too, hoorah!

    Where to start...

    nipples, lets start there shall we?!

    My issue is that the sensitivity in my nipples varies wildly according to where I am in my cycle (and also whether or not I'm pregnant). Sometimes he only has to brush them and i'm hitting the season, sometimes he has to practically twist them off before I'm feeling anything.

    Well, I call it an issue - really it's a non issue. He knows how I like it, he knows what sounds I make when it gets to that point, so he just keeps applying pressure until I'm making the level of noise he wants to elicit!

    I love what you say higher up in the comments about being a sex slave - I completely relate, this is what we riff with a lot, me being his sex slave - his enslaved sex slave princess to be precise *grin*
    . Like you, it's not something that I make a big deal of on my blog for much the same reason!

    1. It did turn into a lovely long yummy conversation, didn't it?

      I have a vague recollection of the sensitivity being different when I was pregnant, too. But you're right, pretty sure my man can tell the difference between groans of pleasure/pain and squeals of "WTF I'd like to keep my nipple on, thank you."

      It's kind of funny how people want to be open and accepting (or pay it lip service, at least) but as soon as something doesn't fit neatly into their boxes they freak out a bit. *laugh*

    2. I love the pain, I'd probably lap up a little more than is strictly sensible, so I'm very lucky that he's in the pain causing business because it turns me on (and that turns him on) so he's jolly careful about how much, how often etc. I also get off on not getting what I want, to a certain extent, so the fact that he's maybe not hurting my nipples as much as I like is still good. If you get all that!

      I have to admit, I freak out a bit too when others' dynamics are way out of my ken. I do try to do it strictly to myself though :D

  6. SOOO very happy to see how things are going in your little corner!! I have missed your posts. And, you came back with one of my favorite activities, nipple play!

    My comments to my Man the day after are never of complaints either. I actually love the feeling the next day. My nipples can take quite a bit of 'play time' too and I like to let him know that I STILL feel him, even many hours later!

    Taking time away to enjoy the man you write so lovingly about...sounds like a perfect break to me! Selfishly happy to see you though =)

    XOXO Pearl

    1. I have missed my (and yours, and lots of people's!) posts too! As my little one gets better and faster at reading, time to write something has gone right out the window.

      I love being able to feel it, later, and get that delicious thrill of remembering what happened to make the feelings come on like that.

      The break could have been more perfect (a lot of napping, coughing, and sneezing has gone on in the interim), but any crash you can walk away from (together). *grin*

  7. I love having my nipples tormented. I seemed to have a high tolerance too. Since the spanking has increased, the nipple play has dramatically declined. I'm not sure why, he always enjoyed it and now it doesn't seem to rate much attention - I did ask for him to flog them the other day, but clamps don't cross his mind.
    Interesting exchange above.
    Good to see you about again.

    1. Maybe he can't focus his attention on two things at once?

      Clamps don't do much for me - intense, annoying, sudden pain that soon dies down to be replaced with more intense, annoying, sudden pain when they're taken off. BUT they work better for many people who prefer the breathtaking moment of suddenness.

      You should ask him why on the reduced nipplage.

    2. not sure what the deal is at your house DelFonte about asking for things (I know it's not allowed for some) - but my husband really likes me to ask/beg for toys, for example, like clamps. Partly because then it's one less thing for him to worry about 'have i asked her if she wants x, y and z?!' and partly because it titillates him how shy and blushy it makes me to have to ask!

  8. I love playing with nipple of my wife and my wife also feel very good and force me to get intimate fast and hard.

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Thank you for reading. I hope you'll let me know you were here - I like friends!