Q&A: If I couldn't orgasm

An anonymous reader asked

"Do you think you would still enjoy sex if you couldn't orgasm?"

The question was spurred by my last post about why I like sex so much, which, if you read it, does not actually mention orgasms as part of the reasons I enjoy sex so much. I do mention them as a thing that can actually make me feel worse in certain circumstances.

Of course, I like orgasms. They feel wonderful, they often cause other pains to completely fade, and the intensity of an orgasm really can't be matched. But to be perfectly honest, I think my husband may enjoy my orgasms more than I do. I could be wrong, but he seems to genuinely get a lot of pleasure out of taking me to that place where my limbs randomly jerk around and I scream with the intensity of the sensations. 

I still want sex even when I can't orgasm. I get really bad headaches sometimes, and the buildup to an orgasm is just way way too much pressure on my head, so I will actually ask my husband to specifically insure I do not orgasm, or even get too close to one. He's not a fan of that, but knows I wouldn't ask for such a thing unless I was in a lot of pain. But the headaches don't stop my desire for sex; sometimes they intensify it. The pain makes me want to retreat into our shared universe of sensation.

I don't have sex for orgasms, I have sex for sex.

Now, there's the case of orgasm denial, which I am not for in the long term for myself. If my husband suddenly wanted to keep orgasms from me, I would wonder what the fuck was up with that. I love that he enjoys plying orgasms from me - if he just wanted to tease me to the edge and leave me wanting for an extended period of time, it would probably piss me off. In the short term, sure, if he gets off on seeing me want that. 

I think orgasm denial, for me, would put the focus way too much on my own pleasure. I enjoy sex because of the pleasure we share in it, and sometimes orgasms happen, but that doesn't make it about me. Constantly pushing me to the edge and then pulling me back from it? Suddenly my desire is not for sex, not for the sliding of skin against skin, the feel of bristles against my breast, my lips wrapped around his cock, but for an orgasm, and I don't like that idea.

If you need more clarification, I'll be glad to provide it.