Tuesday, August 27, 2013
The shockingly simple motivations of sexuality
A blogger I much admire once distilled all of sexual experience down to a fine point that shocked me in its utter simplicity. She is gone, but her idea has burned itself into my memory and I feel the need to share it further in a place where it can be read.
Ultimately, every sexual interaction, every stressful moment, every tearful or joyful minute I have spent in relation to my sexuality, boils down to this one fine point.
Example: I want to fight and kick and be overpowered. It sounds insanely hot and I want it with a passion. My husband, though, wants no part of it.
Or from the other side: My husband wants his wife to give herself up to his every whim, but she wants to fight and kick and be overpowered. Crazy woman.
It could go on - the male sub wants to be used, the female dom wants to be catered to, the couples in egalitarian relationships continually wish their partners would just initiate.
I'm sure there are situations in which it does not apply, because there are as many different kinky inclinations as there are kinky people. But this one point does apply in many, many situations.
Here it is:
Everyone wants to be desired.
I want my husband to want me so much that he will physically overpower me.
He wants me to want him so much that I let him do what he wants regardless of what it is or I initiate sex because I can't keep my hands off him.
Those people in egalitarian relationships? They all want to feel wanted.
It's not just a case of "Why don't you initiate?"
It's a case of "Don't you want me enough to ever initiate?"
It's self-worth wrapped in the easily-crumpled, easily torn, fragile wrapper of sexuality. Because if our lovers don't want us, who the hell will?
It's an eye-opening thought, for sure.
I hope you can take it to heart and maybe apply it to some of your own situations.