Friday, March 14, 2014

Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated: Q&A

Q1. Where have you been? Why did you stop blogging and commenting and answering comments?

There's no one easy pat answer to this, and for the record I don't actually consider myself to have "stopped" blogging. I just haven't had anything to blog about. Once in a while a thought would tickle my brain and I'd think "that would be an amazing blog post," but then the pervasive tendrils of apathy that depression sinks into a person's soul would remind me that there really was no point. 

I'm teaching my child at home, too, and the amount of time I have for something as concerted and focused as blogging and maintaining the (very valued) relationships that blogging has brought to me has dropped to nearly nil. I am currently seeking to resolve this, but having a new reader come up next to you every few minutes to ask a question puts a damper on reading blogs. My blog itself has always been light on graphic images for the very reason that I have small eyes that could see them at any time. Now those small eyes also read words. It's just another dynamic that I have to think of when settling down to write.

As to other people's blogs - well, the same thing sort of applies. There tend to be graphic images willy-nilly, and while I actually have no problem with my little one seeing nudity, I do have a problem with nudity itself being sexualized for him so early. I do read certain blogs still that I've found are a sort of "safe" zone - yours, fiona, The Pervocracy, the dirty normal, t1klish's. But none of those blogs need my input. 

I occasionally peek over at other people's too when I can, and I will comment when I feel I have something to add or some helpful bit of advice.

The other part is, as alluded to above, an intense depression that has taken me over for the better part of this year. Our sex life dwindled away (causing the depression rather than caused by it), and even when we would have sex I wouldn't orgasm. I couldn't honestly tell you if I've had more orgasms this year than I have fingers. 

Add all that in with a 3-week-long visit from in-laws, and... well, a sex and relationship blog has to have something to keep it going, doesn't it? I try my best not to write about issues I'm having until they're resolved. It seems unfair to the relationship and my husband to air our issues while they're ongoing.

Q2. What is an amazingly sexy moment that you and your husband have had since you stopped regularly blogging?

Yeah, about that. Sex has been painful for me lately. After sex I would ache inside for a few days. I think it just hasn't been frequent enough for my body to adjust to the sort of sex we were having. I recently told him about this and he was dismayed.

It is getting better. We had amazing sex just earlier this week that has only caused a little bit of aching for me. That would have to be my top moment then, when he told me he could be gentle enough but he needed "some of that," when referring to his finger's gently probing me and finding me very very ready.

I told him I was afraid, and he said "You should be. Didn't you learn from last time? Maybe you should stop me."

I love it when he says stuff blaming me for something he's doing. It really works me up. 

Q3. What is your favorite decadent treat (food not fantasy ��). 

Hm. I make these killer reverse chocolate white chocolate chip cookies with dark cocoa, vanilla bean powder,  and vegan white chocolate chips (the veganness makes all the difference, regular dairy-laden white chocolate made my mouth unhappy even before I was vegan). 

I've been baking homemade bread every day too though, and a slice of that with margarine and strawberry jam may just be my absolute favorite. 

Q4. What is your current goto fantasy to cum?

So... yeah. I haven't been fantasizing. I've been mired in the pit of my own despair for way way too long. Also I find it frustrating to fantasize when there's no partnered sex forthcoming, although I have been known to fantasize during partnered sex. . . but there's not been much of that either. My fantasies of late have been more of the "wink out of existence" variety than the "have an orgasm" variety. 

But if we want to stretch "current" back to last year sometime, then my regular, sure-fire ones tended to involve restraint and triple penetration with lots and lots of talking and being upbraided for..whatever. Generally something I have no control over, like the weather or something he's done himself. 

My triple penetration fantasies go something like this: Dildo, gag, anal plug, spanking, having each object removed for a cock to take its place, then replaced when the cock is ready to move on to the next opening. Just being full constantly, and talked to. 

Or another one is the one where he tells me what to do when he's not here, to be prepared for when he is. 

These things don't happen. That is why they are fantasies.


  1. Well, I'm glad that the reports of your death have been greatly exaggerated. I am glad you are here, I've missed you.


    1. I just like that line. :) I'm glad to be here too.

    2. Oh, and thank you for all the questions. :)

  2. Now have the same issue with kids, both can read... curtailing my browsing time and commenting in particular. Why do kids have to be so darn curious?!!!
    Sorry about the sex. Can relate. We end up with this whole initiation problem. The longer we go without, the worse it gets.
    I have another question. Do you make bondage rope? Just curious.

    1. The kids! Yeah, I feel you.

      Ditto on the length of time without sex making it worse. I start to feel completely undesirable and then start behaving like an angsty teenager who honestly believes no one loves her.

      Bondage rope! I have made a lovely set for myself - not that it gets used, but, yes. :) I bought 1/4 inch pure nylon for exactly that purpose and I dye it in gorgeous colors. The dyeing process makes me happy.

  3. I'm so sorry to hear that you've been depressed. I'd say I hope there's nothing bad going on in your life to be causing it, but being depressed when nothing's wrong isn't any better. Hope it resolves itself soon.

    It's interesting that you have fantasies about being punished for things that have nothing to do with you. Master does that with me, and I just find it irritating. For example, being spanked because the football game sucked. He might say something like, My team lost so you need to be spanked. That just comes across as too playful/silly to me as if it's my fault. Now, it could work for me if he said, I'm really p*ssed about the game and I want to take it out on something, so bend over. Mood and little nuances like that can make a big difference. I guess it's just like everything else for me, it has to make sense or it doesn't turn me on. He's angry and wants to hit something makes sense. It's my fault his team lost doesn't make sense.

    1. Yeah, it's more of an "I'm irritated by this and you will suffer for it even though you had no control over it" sort of thing. What I like is the unavoidability of it. It feels weird to acknowledge it, but it's true.

    2. Ok, see now, I want avoidability. What turns me on in fantasies is if he spanks me because I didn't do something well enough, and the spanking is very severe, so it motivates me to do the thing better. Like deep throating for example. Him making up playful reasons to spank me, like it's my fault his team lost, just seems silly to me, so doesn't work for me. I'd prefer he just said it turns him on to hurt me, so bend over. Hee. He actually was implying he was going to do the spanking for not doing something well enough thing a few visits ago during a certain activity, but when I did poorly, he didn't follow through with the severe spanking threat. Not that I really wish he had, because pain only turns me on in fantasies, but he ended up doing nothing at all, which wasn't good either. His phone probably rang and distracted him. He has to be available for work-related calls all the time, so it often ruins the flow of activities.

  4. The three holes fantasy- love it. The frustration that it's all just fantasy at this point- do not love it.

    For me, we are in a manic, back and forth sometimes. We have had some check in times that have worked well. But as the days draw on with no touching- it's not in me to serve. I go from disappointed to depressed, angry to defiant. Feeling unwanted is right at the top. I feel tired of working hard when no one cares....

    I would LOVE to have consequences. Even deeper, predicament bondage...very sexy. I feel like his effort matches his interest. If I don't finish my tasks throughout the day I would love to have it matter at night (or even at the time).

    I have decided that I just don't care if that sounds un-submissive of me. My brand of submission is all I can do- questioning my Man does not make me NOT qualify as a means I have a lot of work to do.

    It truly is nice to see your words here Conina- I am only sorry that they are strained for you too....

    XOXO Pearl

    1. I feel you. That withdrawal and feeling that you're more interested than he is in all this, it's completely common and not at all a surprise.

      Submission is a tricky thing to pin down. You want to submit but he doesn't want to dominate. We chase our own tails 'round and 'round about this - it's submitting to do what he wants, if what he wants is nothing, then that's submitting - I call bullshit on that whole thought process. If it brings you comfort then that's all golden, but mostly it just makes us feel like crap for wanting to do more, be more, feel more.

      I postulate a new thought process: Maybe he doesn't know what the heck he wants and needs someone to let him in on the secret that we actually want more. MORE. MORE. Without being all grabby, of course. But more than nothing, and more attention and thought and just.. generally, more dominance. Yesno? :)

    2. It doesn't matter if one is submissive, dominant, or neither, no one wants "nothing." Has he stopped doing what he was doing that was working, or is it that you want it to escalate, and it hasn't? Which brings us back to the usual problem, not wanting to spell out what you want him to do, because that ruins it.

    3. Not sure if these questions are for me or Pearl. :) But I don't mind spelling things out, as long as it's nowhere near the actual interaction.

    4. As for me....Tiklish, I would say a bit of both at times. Do I want it to escalate and hasn't? Hell yes. I always want 'more'. Has he stopped doing what was working? Sometimes. I feel the overall D/s is up and down. I do spell it out when I can, we also have check in times that have helped. Spelling it out over and over ruins it for me and frustrates me. I don't want to have to ask for him to show me that my submission matters and I don't buy the "it always" matters. I need to know it matters.

      Conina- I love the 'I call bullshit'! I am tired of thinking my post will be picked apart for a perceived lack of my genuine submission. I want my surrender/submission to matter, I NEED it to matter to him for it to stay alive in me. And, yes, I am very vocal about my needing more dominance from him.

      Could go on forever.........

  5. I have nothing more to add or say except I understand depression and I hope things work themselves out before it gets any worse. *hugs*

  6. Oh, Conina. I'm so sorry that depression bitch has hit you. I hope you're able to I find relief. I've missed you, but I completely understand.

    Wishing you well, as always......

  7. Oh no, I missed you and I'm so sorry to hear about the sex drought and depression :(
    I really hope both situations improve soon xx

    on the other hand - home schooling, yay! (me too and loving it)


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