Friday, July 20, 2012

How I learned Spider-Man is a human trafficker

Our little boy was tying the both of us up at lunchtime on our bed, still dressed in the Spider-Man pajamas that we haven't been able to convince him to take off for longer than the time it takes to run them through the wash cycle.

Yes, rope is his favorite toy, don't look at me. When a four year old looks at you with puppy eyes while holding a 10-foot length of rope in the hardware store and says "This one's so cute, Mommy, will you buy it for me?" you just drop the .79 and get the kid the rope.

He's getting pretty good with rope and making crazy knots that he can undo in just a moment.

There we were, all tied up and to each other with his "webbing," when he said "Now, you can't get away. And now I can sell you."

After my initial gasp, you could have heard a pin drop on our carpeted floor in the silence that followed that moment. I looked at my husband, and he at me, both our faces masks of amused disbelief, and I said "I don't know!"

Our little person was still tugging at and pulling on various ends of the rope he had tied us with while we sorted through this bizarre parenting moment.

"Where did you get the idea to sell us?" we eventually managed to ask him.

"Spider-Man! He captures the bad guys with his webs and then takes them to the store to sell them!" he told us, a huge grin splitting his face, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Spider-Man's a white slaver?" I murmured, dumbfounded.

"He does what now?" my husband asked. "Doesn't he just capture them and give them to the police?"

"We-ell, sometimes he takes them to the police, and sometimes he sells them."

My husband and I shared another glance of weirdness. "Maybe he shouldn't watch Spider-Man anymore," I mouthed.

"Maybe we should watch this Spider-Man," my husband suggested.

"We-ell," said the four-year-old, "this Spider-Man doesn't really exist. I just made it up." He laughed, and his sparkling eyes and enormous grin kept whacking us in the face and making us laugh with him.

"And... how did you come up with the idea to make it up?" I asked.

"I just did!" he giggled.



Now there's a lesson in there somewhere. Be happy with the things that make you grin, and don't examine them too hard? Yeah, I'll go with that one.

But I should probably check out this Spider-Man stuff anyway.

28 comments:

  1. As they say, "out of the mouthes of babes." LOL. Not examining it to hard is a good way to go, you may remember this for awhile, or even forever, chances are he won't.

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    1. He probably won't. That's when I get to tell him alll about it when he's 22. :)

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    2. There's a story to embarrass him with!

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    3. Don't tell him, wait till he brings a serious girlfriend home and tell her. Haahaahaa.

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  2. He is a creative one- or maybe the justice league or super friends opt why ever group spiderman belongs too isn't as good ad we all thought they were.

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    1. At least they only sell the bad guys. :)

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  3. Replies
    1. It's a laugh a minute over at our house. :) I just share the vaguely kink-related moments.

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  4. I had a whole argument with my little one the other day about Spider Man having a brother. He had totally convinced himself he did...

    Spider man seems to capture all kinds of imaginations. :)

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    1. It's so hard to argue with them too, when they have convinced themselves they are right. They just keep doggedly on saying "No it isn't!" or "Yes it is!" and no matter what you say...

      Yeah.

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  5. So cute - thanks for sharing!

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    1. My pleasure. Thanks for reading!

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  6. I laughed all the way through this post Conina. Hilarious. Kids are so so funny at around this age :)

    Dee x

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    1. Thank you. :) I should journal more of the stuff he does, really. Because he is hilarious, and not just with rope.

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  7. This is so adorable, and reminds me of all the truly twisted (and seemingly very non-sexual), elaborate fantasies I spun when I was a kid. It's really interesting to me how kids pick up bits and pieces from culture and then weave them together in their own minds.

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    1. I did that too! It's only later as I look back on it that I realize there had to be some kind of sexual subtext going on. (for me)

      It's fascinating to watch from so close, too.

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  8. So funny so sweet. I think he was just doing a very efficient job at the mission he had in mind. No one with parents like you is going to turn out anything but good and pure and true.

    :)

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    1. Thank you! We like to think so anyway. :)

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  9. This was just so cute, thnks for sharing.

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    1. My pleasure, thanks for reading. :)

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  10. Of course he sells the bad guys! How else is he going to supplement his crappy income from selling staged photos of himself so he can afford to keep making his web-slingers and purchase costume replacement parts after every fight? Duuuh! :-p

    Seriously, your kid is a riot! I love it!

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP

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    1. I love this comment. Makes perfect sense, 'cause Spider-Man does have to buy a lot of stuff to keep making those webs.

      :)

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  11. Amazing what kids come up with.

    My 3 year old has some real zingers now and again, not sure where they come from but they pick it up somewhere. Couldn't be me... *eye roll*

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    1. Of course it couldn't. ;)

      Ours is at the point where he's listening to every single little thing that anyone says - environmental clues, I guess, and it's insane what he'll remember.

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