Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Being The Other

Reading about other people's sex lives when they have purposely shared it with you is not quite the same illicit thrill you might get from finding and reading someone's explicit written journal. There's not the element of "I'm not meant to see this, I might see something I shouldn't."

But what comes from this is a genuine POV of The Other. It's a way to get to actually see through another person's eyes, ride it out within that person's brain, experience something that you never would otherwise. We all only get to be ourselves. But what we can do to broaden our perception of ourselves is to experience The Other's life as well. A peeping tom (or tina!) only sees what's happening on the outside, but here on my blog you get what's going on in my head.

Even if what gets me going doesn't get you going, I try to describe what it does to me, how it makes me feel. And that is so powerful to me.

Other kinds of blogs may teach you things - how to cook, how to build a house, how to make a paper hat or teach your kids fractions or make a perfect vegan pudding, and they are so, so useful. But relationship/sex blogs let you actually crawl into The Other's head. You get to be someone else for the length of a post. It can be a wild ride, even if the material isn't wild at all. I read blogs coming from all kinds of relationships and at levels of sexual description ranging from none to complete, not to titillate myself but to get that ride.

I make every effort for everything I post here as truth to be my absolute truth. Sometimes my head may go fuzzy on descriptions due to all the hormones rushing through me and I may fill in "as I can best remember" for the sake of the narrative, but it all happens.

I sometimes wish that my husband would write a description of one of our sexual encounters, just so I could compare notes, ride behind his eyes for a while. I know that even though we are sharing the same event, we're having different experiences, and that fascinates me. I'm there, having sex, and I know I'm missing half of it.

I would gladly read about my own sex life if he were to write about it.

That effectively removes the peeping tom aspect. I'm not interested in watching bloggers have sex, or in them watching me have sex. (Sorry, no. ;)) What I am very interested in is riding behind your eyes for a while, and in giving you a seat behind mine.


  1. This is why I enjoy reading your blogs even though I don't exactly fit in. I still find the topic fascinating, and I've always liked reading about sex.

  2. I just wanted to thank you for letting us ride behind your eyes for a while...your blog has helped me realize things that I'm into/interested in trying that I probably would've taken much longer to come to on my own!

  3. 'Even if what gets me going doesn't get you going, I try to describe what it does to me, how it makes me feel. And that is so powerful to me.'

    Very interesting thought, and I agree. Recently, I thought a lot about what exactly draws me into someone else's writing, really draws me in instead of just liking something. I found out that, no, it doesn't depend on what words were used (although that does help sometimes) or how graphic some description was. It's almost entirely based on what I feel of the people involved, no matter if it's the one who wrote it or if it's a fictional character. Example: It makes a big difference if someone writes 'she is sad', in which case I feel nothing because I'm looking at her from the outside (oh, she's sad, really?) or if the writer describes her sadness in a way that makes the words 'she's sad' unnecessary because you can actually feel it, from the inside.

    I think that it's a very difficult thing to accomplish, I can't do it myself or else I would be writing, but, for me, that makes the whole difference. Sometimes, when done right, 100 words mean more than 10,000.

    And oh yes, it would be more than interesting to learn what your husband thinks/feels about it all. Maybe, at some point you can get him to write something down, even if it's only for you to see.

  4. t1klish: You fit in just fine. Hardly anyone actually "fits."

    Heather: I'm so glad to have been of service! Thanks for taking the ride with me.

    BlackberryTasteIc: With such wonderful, thoughtful comments, it's amazing to me that you're not writing something.

    I agree that there's a certain level of emotion necessary in a bit of writing for it to really resonate with me. There's a blog that I read that lacks it, but it is like a train wreck.. I can't look away.

    I've been after him to write something for me for months now. He's very shy though. (yes, really)


Thank you for reading. I hope you'll let me know you were here - I like friends!