Monday, November 14, 2011

Making the world a better place

Sex is such a taboo.

As far as mass entertainment goes, even those television shows that imply a lot of sex show it as a base urge that is impossible to control, and that's just the ordinary vanilla kind. Movies can get rated R for nudity just as for violence. It doesn't make any sense that the nude body is just as in need of hiding from children as destruction of that body.

Even beginning to talk about sex in the most basic sense is virtually impossible with most of my family - not eroticism, but just conversation about biological structures that are involved in sex. Thankfully I was raised with less strictures, but this leads to shocked, appalled looks directed at me by my cousins when I even indirectly refer to, say, a clitoris. It's disturbing to me that the veil of privacy is so thick with them that it extends to even conversation about body parts that are involved in sex.

Sex is not a disgusting, base human urge that must be suppressed or hidden when one doesn't succeed at suppressing it. It's certainly not only for reproduction, despite some of my acquaintances' opinions on that. It's beautiful and fascinating, amazing, liberating. It feels incredible.

There are places in the world where people are still being stoned to death for having sex. Seriously. Regardless of the "guilt" or "innocence" of the accused, having consensual sex is not something to punish someone for, much less kill. I've also read news items where a young girl was stoned to death for having been raped.

This is not acceptable. We're in the year 2k+, why is this shit still going down? Oh, because sex is wrong, that's right. A beautiful expression of humanity turned into something dark and ugly to be avoided at all costs. It's more wrong, more barbaric, than throwing rocks at a helpless woman until she is dead. 

Homosexual? Polyamorous? Kink. BDSM. Oh, wow. Certainly we can't talk about those things. We're going to get angry if some bit of entertainment forces us into a dialogue about any of these things. By Jove, we'll complain.


"Think of the children."

Seriously? The children? If the children are kinky, they're kinky. All a bit of dialogue is going to do is make them feel more accepted and 'normal' as they grow into themselves. I'm certainly not suggesting that we have full transparency of our sex lives with our children, 'cause, ew, but freaking out when something comes up is certainly not going to help. A bit of kink (or homosexuality, or anything!)  in your entertainment is not going to turn your children to that thing. The only thing it will do is make your children know that these sorts of things go on, and are acceptable. 

We've been rewatching The Next Generation lately, and I'm very appreciative of just how much sex is implied to go on there and how not hung up on it they are. It's not "OOOH SEX OH SEX SEX SEX," but it's more like "Ahh, sex. Sex is nice. All right, now on with it." You don't see that kind of behavior in many shows. It's handled well here too because if you know, you'll know. If you don't know, it just kind of goes over your head. Probing questions avoided until that age of awareness is reached. Family friendly, indeed.

So I add my voice to the thousands out here on the world wide web, talking about sex. What kind of sex I have, what it does for me, how absolutely wonderful it is. I'm am a little dismayed at the need for anonymity, but one does what one can. I can only put out there that sex is most definitely not wrong, as loudly and as often as I can.

We're chipping away at the taboo. One day I hope my child will be able to have a grown-up conversation about sex without anyone freaking the hell out.


  1. I think I'm a lot older than you and I talk about sex with my mom all the time, and no one I come into contact with is particularly uptight about sex. I mean, my grandparents were, but they were born in 1910-ish and were very religious, so one would expect that.

    When I'm at work I'm surrounded by people younger than me talking about sex.

    This is kind of funny, a couple weeks ago four of us, two young men, one young woman, and me, were sitting together having lunch and the young woman, 19 years old, out of nowhere said, "I need to get laid." It was hilarious.

  2. t1klish: That's actually quite awesome. But there are whole areas of the world, including the first world that you and I enjoy, where it's certainly not the case.

    My husband's European and it's more commonplace there as well. The Bible Belt from whence I come is not quite so open. My friends there would converse openly amongst ourselves, but my family and extended family... just no. One of my aunts is fine with it, but her kids aren't. So it goes.

  3. I live in Los Angeles, so definitely not the Bible belt!:)

  4. Yeah, that might have something to do with it.

  5. Hhm, I'm not sure it fits the thought of the post because you were talking about sex in general being taboo, but I just had a really interesting experience.

    I was IMing with a friend of mine and she was telling me that, as she was reading about a certain disease, she read that some specific protozoa can also be transmitted through oral-anal intercourse. There were a couple of exclamation marks behind that statement and, at first, I thought it was because she didn't think that that specific protozoa can be transmitted that way. Turns out, what had her so surprised were the words oral-anal intercourse. It's interesting, isn't it? Now, no matter what one is into or not, it's interesting that there are so many people out there who don't have any idea what other people do behind closed doors. They don't even want to think about it. It appears that people are getting more comfortable talking about sex, but I believe that it's only as long as they're talking about it the way that is shown on TV etc.. As soon as it's about something that's not part of "public life" it gets weird. Because how can you be sure that whatever you are going to say next isn't cause for the people who know you to look down on you and think that you are a freak?

    On another note, another friend of mine still can't say the word vagina out loud even though he's studying medicine. He's from the country and very conservative. So yes, in my experience it does depend on where someone is from and what their parents shared with them when they grew up. But it also depends on the people you encounter through life. If it had been for my parents alone, I'd probably not even be able to say the word sex out loud.

  6. Oh, I forgot...

    I'm not sure if it would make the world a better place if sex was discussed more openly. As soon as something is not taboo anymore, the lines shift. Perhaps, something that we consider wrong now would, although still wrong, be a mere step away from something that we now consider borderline kinky (for lack of a better word) but would be considered normal if the lines got blurry. It's a long way from here to there, I know, and I agree that sex should be discussed more openly. I'm just not sure in what direction we'll be headed if that happens.

  7. BlackberryTasteIc: It fits perfectly! That's exactly the kind of thing I meant. I used the umbrella term "sex" to encompass all those things related to it, the mere mention of which causes many folks to blush or stammer.

    There's a fine line, definitely. You don't want to create such a glut of sex that people feel the need to escalate to weirder and weirder things to get their sexual "highs," but I'm not sure if sex works like that. As long as the sexual diet stays varied, in my experience you don't lose the high from an activity. Of course a steady diet of the same thing will wear it down and make it tedious.

    But the parts of the world where people - mostly women - are killed for an implication that they've had sexual contact? I don't think they're ever going near the sort of line you bring up. Of course, "ever" is a long, long time.

  8. I don't want to offend anyone by saying this, but in those places of the world you are talking about, there're usually so many wrong things happening that one doesn't even want to think about it. Killing people for the reasons you mentioned is "just" part of a big and complex picture. I'm afraid you would have to turn entire countries around for them to accept sex for what it is. But you're right, in this case, it would make the world a better place.


Thank you for reading. I hope you'll let me know you were here - I like friends!